Noise

If you have extremely good hearing, you will know why I always keep my handphone ringtone down very low, and all the volume settings on my laptop and radio are always near minimum settings. Because I can hear very well, I thought that there is no need to tune up the volume, and no need to cause unnecessary disturbance to other people.

However, every once in a while, I would crank up the volume, especially when listening to some particularly nice songs. The difference is significant, and it is not merely in terms of volume. Previously unnoticed melodies would sound up in the background, blending in so well that you could almost miss them, especially if you had them in low volume. The insignificant sounding drum beat suddenly became something more, thudding my heart along to the rhythm; the violin suddenly tugging at my heart. And now you know why the singer sometimes pause, for no other reason than to bring into relief a particularly intricate turn of melody.

Then of course, at this time, I would be causing disturbance to other people, though now a necessary one.

Worth

The whole world can be divided into a few major groups of people:

Firstly, about 78% of the people lead their lives without wondering if their lives are worth living;

about 21% of the people thought about it, but assume that their lives are generally worth living;

0.9% of the people know that it is hard to justify the worth of their lives, but think that they have found the reasons where most people have failed;

0.1% thinks that all the above people are in denial.

p.s. I made the statistics up by the way.

It's raining

The weather is fabulous today; bathing in the morning almost feels like suicide, even with the heater on, but it is a daily ritual that cannot be missed. As I'm sitting in front of my laptop, beside the windows which are thrown wide open to admit the unfettered wind blowing all the way from the sea, nearly freezing my fingers off as I play my games, I wondered about the beautiful cold, and the horrific floods that it must be causing elsewhere.

Completely unreasonable criteria

Having personally survey 600 females, I have come up with a list of surprisingly UNREASONABLE criteria for what they are expecting of their future husbands/boyfriends to conform to. Here are some of the core criteria they cited:

1. Must be witty.
2. Must be sensitive, but not overly sensitive.
3. Must be loving, but not clingy.

and PREFERABLY to be:

4. Smart. (though this has the air of a paradox--which smart man would accept these criteria?)
5. Good looking.
6. Don't have to be rich, but must be able to at least afford 2 cars, and a condo.
7. Able to cook, and not expect her to cook.
8. Able to do household chores, and not expect her to do.
9. Able to tend the kids.
10. Able to feed the baby.
11. Bear babies, but if not possible, then swear to be her slave for the rest of his life.
12. Able to go shopping without complaining. (and pay up without too)
13. Leave the toilet seat down.

In the face of such unreasonable criteria, I was thinking to myself, heck, why not come up with our own list of unreasonable criteria for women, to even things out. So after thinking about this for 20years, 4months, 4 days and 7hours, I've finally come up with a list of criteria that most men would hope the females will meet, yet would probably never happen. So here's the list of Completely Unreasonable criteria for women:

1. Must be reasonable, which includes not having unreasonable criteria for men. (completely impossible to ask this of women, which is also why it is at the top of the list)

2. Must be smart. (having a bit of intelligence helps them in being more reasonable, if only slightly)

3. Shouldn't be too thin. (contrary to popular belief, skin and bones don't look nice, but women never listens. They just keep complaining about how fat they look, and feel happy secretly when you disagree with them.)

4. Having some character is good, but not too stubborn. (for women, having character is logically equivalent to being very stubborn, hence we may be asking for a logical impossibility).

5. Not too volatile.

6. Don't talk incessantly. (might as well shoot them, than to ask this of them.)

7. Don't expect men to talk much. (You can't understand why men don't like to talk, we can't understand why you like to talk.)

8. Have to be a gamer. (if they can expect men to go shopping, I don't see why we can't expect them to be gamers.)

9. Leave the toilet seat up.

a biological explanation

It is hard to forget someone because:

after so many years of thinking about the particular person, countless neural connections has been made,

particular neurons are more susceptible to activation when exposed to neurotransmitters emitted by neighbouring neurons,

which in turn are activated by sensory inputs from the environment, like a rose or a piece of melody;

and long term association by the mind, when exposed to such poignant environmental stimuli,

coupled with the current activation of certain fond memories of a certain person (which was probably all the time),

led the brain to form neural pathways, hardwired by the ease of certain activation of neurons by certain stimuli,

like a memory node, the crossroads of all thoughts,

thus she is unforgettable.

But time will cause all to fade,

as old neural pathways are replaced by new, old neurons dying off and replaced by new,

shifting the center from one to another;

Unless, that is, of course, you are still thinking of her.

Wish

If I have one wish, just one wish, and I can wish for anything at all, I wouldn't wish for the world riches, nor excelling at what I do, nor having a particular girl falling in love with me, not even everlasting life, and also not possessing all the knowledge in the world, even if they are each attractive choice in their own rights.

If I have just one wish, I wish that my spinal bone is normal.

Ramblings

Staying home these days to rush marking my students’ essays and write my own essay for ISM. I’ve finished marking, but not done on the ISM, though it is technically done. Still needs lots of ironing.

Went to the nearby hawker to have lunch just now. The chicken rice uncle asked me if I am Singaporean, and looked surprised when I said yes. Don’t I look Singaporean? At most, I might have some Malay blood in my veins, but still that should make me look Singaporean no? What do you think?

On my way home, at the void deck, I saw some clothes draped on the stone seats. One is a men’s jeans, another is distinctly a women’s blouse. I looked around for some signs of the woman who might have doffed it, but couldn’t find any, to my utter disappointment. That would have been… interesting, to say the least.

Ok, back to my essay.

Orange belt!

I got a double promotion for Karate, meaning instead of being promoted to 8th kyu after the recent grading, I am promoted straight to 7th Kyu. Still orange belt, but with 2 stripes instead of 3. Woohoo.

Usually a double promotion is awarded only to people who performed exceedingly well during the grading. But this time round, there are a lot of double promotions being awarded. Mine is not that rare after all. Still, it is worth rejoicing over.

Heeeyaaahhh!!

Exercise

Last week was the single most hectic week of my life (Hmm, maybe minus army Sispec time).

Monday I went jogging, think 3km.
Tuesday Karate.
Wednesday swimming. I swam more for the tan, but I did swim more than I ever did before, around 10laps =p.
Thursday Karate again.
Friday gym.
Saturday Karate again.

By the end of the Karate on Saturday, I was totally exhausted, and it wasn't even a particularly tough session. But Karate grading is coming, and so, orange belt here I come!

What about work you ask? It's not bad la. Generally I set my own pace, so I'm reading for my ISM at a snail's pace. And teaching doesn't really take up all the time, since I got only one class. A bit worried about the essay I have to write for the ISM however, since I don't even remember when it is due, and a bit worried about my Masters thesis, if I want to apply early for the overseas Phd, I better start doing the thesis soon.

Bite 'em bullets!

If I were Neo in the Matrix, I wouldn't dodge all the bullets like he did; I would bite every single one of them.

Pictures

Always when we find a piece of scenery truly breathtaking, beautiful beyond words, we seek to capture it with a snap of our camera. But not before we interpose ourselves, or with a whole group of people, between the camera and the scenery, obscuring part, if not most, of the truly magnificent scene of Nature that we wanted to capture in the entirety in the first place.

Left or right brain?

Try it. I am right brain it seems, though I can see it both ways.

http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/story/0,21598,22492511-5005375,00.html?from=mostpop

Life

Wake up! There's no afterlife!
This is all you have.

something

Holding my arms out to the side,
balancing to life
stepping to the music of heartbeat.

A fleeting feeling,
a memory of it.
Gray.

An urgency
towards nothing.

Movies

Movies that I want to watch, but have no time for, and no one to watch with:

Resident Evil: Extinction
Shoot 'em up
Balls of Fury
Mr Woodcock

IF I do manage to watch all of them, I would be broke too, so that's another reason why I haven't been able to.

Carpe diem

I understood immediately when Redherring announced in the graduate room that he needed something more; I feel pretty much the same way. It was precisely the reason why I have taken up Karate, something to occupy my time other than endless gaming and sleeping.

Now, my life is, as anyone would affirm from a third-person viewpoint, constructively worthwhile: I run every Monday and Thursday, go for Karate every Tuesday and Friday, do my readings conscientiously on Wednesdays and on the weekends, game minimally, spend my free-time reading leisure books, wake up early enough each day to catch the morning rays, and sleep with the cool night breeze.

Yet, I feel bored. I may not have a lot time on my hands to actually feel much boredom, but the few hours that I do have, I feel it all too acutely. It is not as though I am bored with Karate or doing Philosophy, and the reason I was doing them in the first place is not to lose myself in them anyway; I still love doing what I have been doing, a lot. It is just that, it seems that I should have something more.

What more I could have, I don't really know. I don't have time for anything more as it is, caught between the limited number of hours in a day and physical fatigue from all the exercise.

I don't know what could possibly be that "something more" either. It is not as if being in a relationship right now will fill up that sense of inadequacy, neither would finding some new activity do the trick. I thought of taking up archery, or going for more trekking, but that seems to me just more activities to pass the time; I would enjoy them, for sure, but I don't think either would give me a sense of being "filled".

Passing the time, in anticipation of what? It seems that the whole of human life is just that--passing the time in wait of something we don't really know. Perhaps we are all passing the time before we die. That seems to be the only thing in common for all mankind. We dig our heads into the soil, pretending to be busily caught up with what we are doing at the moment, pretending we did not see the inevitable end of the road. Carpe diem; seize the day, for there certainly is no future.

Maybe what I need is a sense of purpose. Not a purpose, mind, but a sense of purpose. For what can a purpose do? Suppose I have the purpose to save the world, what would that amount to? The world has to be worth saving in the first place. And I have to identify with the purpose; it is no good to tell me that God has dictated that I have to save the world someday; I would just be an unwillingly worker dragged along to save the world if I can't identify with the purpose at all.

And if God dictate that my purpose in life is to be food for some tiger? I can't identify with that anymore than I can identify with a purpose to be a social benefit, not unless I have the particular sense of purpose already.

Well maybe I should have a sense of purpose to be a social benefit, or at least, I should cultivate this sense of purpose. I don't see why, but mostly, I don't see how I can go about doing so. Either I have it, or I don't. Moreover, I don't see how being a social benefit would fill up my life, in the sense that it would motivate me positively.

Some would say, well yea, it is more important that you be a social benefit than how you feel; in other words, I should place priority in making myself useful than making myself happy.

I don't know, that seems to me to be straying from my original intent in making this post: I am not talking about what ought to motivate me, but merely making an observation, and a long-winded complaint, that nothing motivates me much.

Maybe I should take up social service, regardless if that makes me happy or not, but that seems to be a digression on the issue that I am bored. Taking up social service may be good, I may even consider it, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I am bored, and we are back to square one again.

It would be interesting if the Cataclysm happens any time soon.

Robert Jordan

Robert Jordan, author of The Wheel of Time series, one of my favorite fantasy series, passed away on 16 Sept 2007 (US time I think).

We mourn the passing of a brilliant writer.

chance

We drift
like dandelion seeds,
under a huge expanse of infinite sky;
Alone
as far as the eye can see.

sign

On a sign en route to the Judgment Day hearing:

Philosophers, this way ==>
<== Everyone else, this way.

Below, someone scribbled: How do you define "philosophers"?

Even below: You go this way, id**t. ==>

(If there is a Judgment day, and Judgments handing out to everyone, somehow I think that philosophers will take the longest time of all in accepting the verdict, insisting on the definition of every term used in the Judgment, debating about how the Judgment can be true, debating about if the Judgment is really true, maybe even debating if it is logically possible to be standing there receiving Judgment, regardless if the Judgment had been passed in their favor.)

Is Chivalry dead?

I heard this question over the radio today, as the DJ was polling people about it. The responses varied, some saying "yes, but women killed it," some saying simply "yes". Others have more reasons backing up their emphatic yeses, but because the sun is shining outside, the birds are chirping, the grass is cutting themselves, and the thoughts cluttering my head, I couldn't hear them beyond a few words. Some guy replied that it is not dead, because he is still practicing it. Others sneered. Mostly women.

I don't think chivalry is dead; myself, I hold the doors for women all the time, strangers or not, offer a helping hand whenever I saw the fairer sex burdened, holding out an umbrella when it's raining, and pull chairs for them (though none, so far, sat in the proffered chairs). I don't do these for men; being more likely to slam the door in their faces than not. Just kidding. But less likely to hold doors for men overall.

But I think, chivalry should be dead.

At the very least, it should be if equality of the sexes is the priority. These days, women fight for equality at every turn, and grumble if the door wasn't held out for them. This is not saying that I'm against equality, nor saying there is equality already. Progress has been made, but equality in the workplace is perhaps not perfect yet.

But if you expect equality, don't expect chivalry. We have to start somewhere, why not start at the simple things like opening your own door, and holding your own bags? Why, the thing that runs through a woman's mind when men offer a helping hand might just be "You think I can't even open a door myself? Looking down on us again?" We'd never know what women think, and if we are going to step on toes anyway, why not just step on one set of toes and open our own door. Easier for us that way.

Besides, half the time, no, probably more than half the time, when I open a door for a woman, she would just sweep pass me without even looking at me, all the while looking like she owned the place, and I the doorman. No thanks from the queen either.

Nothing pays, chivalry least of all.

Couple that with the next poll taken at the same radio station, this one on whether women like bad boys. Surprisingly, all the women who called in replied that they do. Not so surprising perhaps if my friend's case is any gauge: he never opened any door for any girl, and his girlfriend-who-back-then-wasn't-his girlfriend-yet, would stare incredulously at his back while I hold the door open for her. Yet we know, even at that time, that she was smitten with him.

Not being chivalrous adds to the charm I learnt. What are your views?