A philosopher's undying love

You are the most important thing in my life, even more important than my PhD thesis.

There are more important things than you in this world, but I haven’t found any yet; I mean, it is logically possible that they are there…

How impossibly beautiful you are! Just like the round square!

You are my everything! (Depending on how you define “everything.” And also “my,” and “you.”)

I love you more than mere words can express. That’s a contradiction.

I mean, I love you more than mere words can express, where “love” refers to something which cannot be otherwise referred to.

If it is the case that I don’t love you, 1 plus 1 would equal 3. But 1 plus 1 is not equal to 3. Therefore it is the case that I love you.

God gave me free will to love you! That’s assuming that God is omnipotent, omni-benevolent, and there is no such possible world where there is no free will and is better than the actual world.

You are the most beautiful woman I have seen at this moment!

It cannot possibly be thought that it is not the case that I don't not love you.

If you clear all thoughts out of your head for a moment, you will experience the all-embracing love that is present in the universe. Actually that’s just me.

You know I love you. Loosely speaking. Heck, if Hume is right, we can’t even know the sun will rise tomorrow. Strictly speaking, you can’t know I love you…

…how do you even know that I exist, not simply as a figment as your imagination?

If you are a brain-in-a-vat, I want to be your vat.

You are like* the stars in the sky!
* similar in certain aspects, not necessarily more than one. Similarity in material composition would suffice.

I love you till the end of time! Ok, your time just ended.

I can’t live without you! Every time I am alone, I am actually “living”.

Resolu...

It's the new year, and it's time for new... What? It's not new year yet? Oh right, it's only Christmas. Well, that means there's still time to procrastinate on making any new resolutions. 4 more days to be precise. Hmm... I wonder if I made any resolution about procrastination for year 2008. Probably I think--procrastination is practically on everyone's lists of resolutions. Well then, if so, I am only just trying to keep to my resolution.

Evenings

When I was young, my modes of entertainment were precious and few. My parents didn't believe in buying one of those gaming consoles for me, thinking it would distract me from studying, nor do they like me reading too many story books, for the same reason. And I didn't have many toys, thinking they are a waste of money; nor do I watch TV, because it is simply a waste of time.

My parents would be both out working in those days, and I wasn't exactly on the best of terms with my sister back then. Thinking back, I wonder how I survived the boredom that must pervade my childhood.

I do remember one bit of entertainment I had. In the evenings, just before the light starts to fade into the yellow color of sunset, I would curl up in this wooden reclining arm chair, listening to a Walkman. Back then, I have this earphones that were really huge; they look like ear muffs, and they encase my ears completely like two shields. Because of their design, I can blast the music as loud as I want, and yet no one else can hear it at all. They also render me completely unable to hear anything other than the music.

With the fading light, and the loud music in my ears, it would feel as though I am completely in a world of my own, cut off from anything outside. For hours, I would just lie in the chair, watching the light slowly changing from white to yellow, to orangish-red, and finally to complete darkness. And through it all, I can see the shadows from the windows slowly lengthening, creeping across the floor tiles so stealthily as though trying hard not be noticed.

It is unbelievably serene. It is also unbelievably lonely.

Then before the light failed completely, there will be the sounds of the lock rattling, signaling either my mum, or my dad coming back from work. And I would run and open the door for them.

Love thy neighbours?

I have bastard neighbours.

Strictly speaking, I don't know whether they are considered my neighbours since they live, respectively, above and below me. Let us call them Upper and Lower.

Upper is a family with kids and old folks. In the morning, around 6am, one of them would get up to pound chili. Apparently they eat chili everyday, and they can't just simply grind it. They have to pound the hell of them it, and the sleep out of everyone in my house.

And they must have belonged to some ancient, mystical clan that dictates that all pounding have to be done on the ground itself, without any paddings, or they will incur the wrath of some great earth spirit. As such, we get to experience the full surround sound of the rhythmic pounding every single day for a few months. Until I shouted at them to shut the hell up.

At 7am, when their kid wakes up from all the pounding, he will decide that he wants pay back for the noise. But most curiously, the payback is done to us. He would ride on his fake car, which sounds like a ton, and go careening across his flat. Now the sound experience is even better. We can actually trace the car with our eyes as the rumble of the car approaches, until it circles our heads for a brief respite, then it would zoom off again to another corner of his flat. His parents, and grandparents are doing a fabulous job of teaching the kid sensitivity; he will probably grow up to be a jerk, not unlike his parents and grandparents.

And of course, why stop at disturbing people with noises, when you can actually irritate them with smell? One of them Upper, I have no idea which, loves smoking. And he loves smoking at the window directly above mine. Probably because if he smokes in-house, he will kill the kid which shows so much promise of growing up into a jerk and he doesn't want that, he tries to kill me instead with his second hand smoke; he blows them out of his window, and without fail, the wind blows them into mine.

And since I have the habit of sleeping with my door closed, the smoke stays inside while I sleep, until I wake up half-choking over the smoke to shut the windows. Then I have to open my door to air the room, which is impossible since the windows are shut and there's no air circulation. So I have to wait for him to finish his stick, before opening the windows again.

Every night, I have to do that. Sometimes at 1am, sometimes at 3am, but without fail, 5am. And people wonder why I always look like I didn't get enough sleep. He doesn't only smoke at night though, it is just that I have the sense to stay out of the house in the day most of the time.

Just when you thought that only Uppers can affect you, since they can do things to your ceiling which is their floor, while Belows can't do anything to their ceiling which is my floor, the Belows began their smell attack. Interestingly, even though cigarette smoke only travels downwards due to their density, incense smoke is light enough to float up the air. Every friday, we are fumigated, unwillingly, with some intensely pungent incense and treated to an un-interrupted stream of ringing experience for exactly an hour. It was close all the windows, or die. Apparently, it must be some rites to send people like us on the way.

I don't want to live here anymore. Not with my bastard neighbours, and the super ulu-ness of the place. I hate it.

Can you differentiate all these?

You think you are wrong, but if you are wrong, then you are right.
You think you are wrong, and if you are wrong, then you are right.

You think you are wrong, and if you are right, then you are wrong.
You think you are wrong, but if you are right, then you are wrong.

You think you are wrong, but if you are right, then you are right.

RAM

I upgraded my laptop RAM today. Earlier on, I had gone to the NUS co-op to check out how much they are selling the RAM for. The price they quoted was 99 bucks for 2Gb, and 50 bucks for 1Gb.

Today I went down to Simlim, and guess how much I bought my 2Gb Ram for? Only 34bucks! And it's the same brand. I'll never trust NUS's prices again. Complete rip-off.

Identity

"Most of us have a special and intense interest in what will happen to us. You learn that someone will be run over by a truck tomorrow; you are saddened, feel pity, and think reflectively about the frailty of life; one bit of information is added, that the someone is you, and a whole new set of emotions rise in your breast." -- John Perry, "The importance of being identical"

Stars

When you see the starry heavens,
Do you ever wonder
what the stars are for?
What do the glittering celestial bodies
which looked so cold and beautiful,
aloof and distant,
have as their purpose?

The tempting answer is:
None.
They simply exist.
That is all to it;
just as it is all to it that we are here.
Purposeless, and random.

But suppose
Maybe,
it could just be that
They are here
just so I can wonder about them.

Money

When you see a dollar note on the ground

dropped by someone in a hurry

you mustn't tell anyone.

For if you do,

they will ask you,

Why didn't you pick it up?

And you would have to explain

the police stations,

they don't accept loose notes

as lost-and-found articles;

there will be no identifying signs

that point to whose its owner was.

And it would be impossible

to ask around

with the note in hand

whoever lost it just moments before.

At least

it would be a great hassle to.

Then they would ask

outraged,

Why didn't you just pocket it?

An outrageous suggestion proposed outrageously.

So don't ask me

if I saw that note,

when I pretended not to.

day 3 and 4--the peaks of HK

Had western breakfast yesterday at the Medicine School of HK. It was really nice and cheap, especially the bacon. I even considered ordering one more set, but decided against eventually.

In the afternoon, we went to Central. Originally I had wanted to go try one of the famous duck egg wanton noodles there, and the egg tarts, but when I had my lunch, I discovered that my sense of taste is gone completely from the flu. sianzzzz. So I rescheduled the food tasting to another day, and just ate some normal food.

One of the two famous egg tarts stalls at Central was sold out on the tarts, but the other produced a pipping hot tray of egg tarts just when I stepped into the shop. The crust is soft and the egg jelly on it really looks like jelly. But I couldn’t taste a single thing. =s

From Central, we walked through Lan Kuai Fang, which is the Clarke quay equivalent in HK. It was super crowded since it was Halloween yesterday, and people are crowding the streets dressing up like witches and vampires. Rather hapenning, but since it was really hard to walk with all those people jaunting around, I didn’t manage to take any pictures.

Then we went to the Victoria Peak, or simply the Peak as the Hongkongers so endearingly called it. Nothing much actually, except you can see Hong Kong from the top of the mountain.

Today we went to Lantau island, where they have the huge Buddha at the top of the peak. Took cable car up, even though I didn’t really like the heights, but it was quite worth it; by bus, the journey up would have taken around 1hr, what took only 15mins by cable. The view is great too, from the cable car.

Then it was a 280 steps climb up the stairs to reach the Buddha. Lines and lines of shops sprang out around the Buddha and the temple, making it look really commercialized. I’m sure the Buddha would have disagreed with it.

I’m actually still sick during this 2 days. Think I’m not enjoying the trip as I ought to be.

day 2 in exciting HK!

But it wasn't really an exciting day though. I fell sick on day 1; got a sorethroat and a slight fever, so that sucks great time. The chinese university of hk is built on a hill, or maybe its a mountain; the slopes are extremely steep, and if you think NTU or NUS is bad, try imagining NUS on Bukit Timah Hill. Well, no. It is worse than even that. Try imagining NUS on Mount Everest, and you will begin to see the picture.

Bendict took me around the university for sightseeing in the morning, and I almost died from exhaustion from all the ups and downs, or maybe it is because I am sick. But I sure know that I will be having much bigger calves muscles by the time I'm back home in Singapore.

Unfortunately they didn't have any philosophers there who specialize in the areas I am in, like Metaphysics or Philosophy of Mind. There are a lot of chinese philosophers though (duh!).

After breakfast at one of the cafeteria in the uni, where the food is only so-so, and where they have an unhealthy obsession with cabbage (which I can't for my life see how anyone could actually like eating), Bendict took me to the "chinatown" of HK--MongKok. We walked from MongKok to Victoria Harbor, just soaking in the sights along the way without actually shopping, or even window shopping. (If you want photos, go to my facebook. ) Since I was running a fever, and the sun is so damn hot, I didn't really enjoy the walk. The Victoria River is big though; Singapore river looks like a joke compared to it. But I suppose the River will look like a joke comparing to some other bigger rivers as well.

Then I crashed Bendict's modules, where Loy's teacher is teaching. It is on Ethics, really ethics and not metaethics, so that's really new to me. They were talking about the seven sins like anger, jealousy etc. I didn't even know people teach that in Philosophy. hahaa.

After that it was dinner at the same cafeteria, where I had the "Four Treasure Rice", which is just a fancy name for chicken rice with roast meat and salted egg. They have it in Bishan too, but of course the items are really different. The salted egg is nice though, and for the first time in my entire life, I saw why people actually eat salted egg. Those in singapore just can't make the mark. The chicken tasted very different from singapore's steamed chicken too--much more tastier and tender.

After that, we adjourned back to the hostel, cancelling the plans to go Causeway Bay cos I was feeling a bit sick and tired. Played games and went online to chat for the rest of the night. zzzz

Day 1 in Hong Kong

Eh nothing much. I just took a jetstar flight from Singapore to HK at 3.40pm, arrived at HK at around 7 plus, and it was already completely dark there, depriving me of the bird’s eye view of the island.

Oooohh actually there is something. Someone accused me of stealing his ipod when we landed at HK airport. That guy was sitting like one seat away from me in the plane, and there’s no one sitting between us. He wasn’t trying to be friendly at all; when i had to squeeze pass him go use the toilet, I apologized to him but he didn’t even acknowledge it.

Then when we landed, and after collecting my baggage, he came up to me and asked me if I had seen his ipod. I thought he was just asking me if I had seen him leaving it somewhere, so I said no. I suggested that he go back to the plane and check, but he said he just did. So I just made sympathetic noises and said that was unfortunate.

I thought that was it, but he still didn’t go, and instead just keep telling me how important his ipod is to him, for the information he stored on it etc. Then he apologised, saying he wasn’t suspecting me. Then he said, “Well, no. I AM suspecting you.” Now what can one say to that? So I just said I understand, but I didn’t take his ipod.

Yet he went on, and keep asking, “You really didn’t have it?” I supposed I was a little pissed off, so I just started walking away while saying, “No I don’t.” I could have offered to let him check my bag I guess, but nah… Why should I? I don’t even see how at any point of time I was physically close enough for me to actually take his ipod without him noticing.

Bendict was there at the airport to pick me up. He’s my extremely accomodating host for the trip, and even has a Octopus card ready for me to use when I got there! We had dinner at one of the cafeteria in a shopping center, which I dunno the name of. I ate some fried rice with chicken strips and unlike singaporean fried rice, where you are really eating the rice, HK fried rice is so choke-full of other ingredients, that the rice is more like a side dish. Expensive though, cos its the normal fare but already costing me 6SGD. Pity I didn’t think to take any pictures of it at that time.

Then I followed Bendict to his hostel in Chinese University of Hong Kong. It was pretty late after dinner, and I was tired after the 3hrs flight, where I had absolutely nothing to do since I didn’t bring my laptop battery, and didn’t bring any philosophy books with me to read, so I went to sleep quite early. Note to self: next time, bring something.

Clouds

Clouds
they are pretty little things,
like wisps of icings on a clear blue cake.
scattered around,
seemingly randomly
In that odd complex mathematical shapes
reminiscent of the Mandelbrot set.
Clouds are nice to watch,
especially from atop.
But I wish we didn't have to fly through them;
they make the plane rock
alarmingly so.

Smells

Ah, the sweetness of life,

a pungent whiff;

the heady aroma.

Another day at home.

Love

An error theory about love.

Lifestyle

Now, what have I been up to lately? Well, nothing much actually. Or if you look at it another way, quite a lot in fact.

For starters, I'm still going for karate regularly. Twice a week roughly.

Then I'm still going for gym regularly too. Also twice a week.

Got classes twice a week at campus. Officially, I don't need to attend any more classes, but these two classes are actually quite relevant to my research, so I'm sitting in.

Started my driving lessons too, finally. The driving test is on 29th Dec. I've been going for driving lessons twice a week too!

Going for physiotherapy for my back problem every fortnight.

Trying to read Parfit's Reasons and Persons, and Kripke's Naming and Necessity at the same time. The latter is rather short, though I'm still taking some time to finish it. The former is for one of the classes I mentioned above, and it seems to have good potential for finding a thesis topic for myself. I might want to re-read Dainton's article as well.

With all these going on, I'm surprised I even have time to game. But I do. In fact, I game 2-5hrs each day. I really don't have much time for anything else though. Life is pretty much wake up, do any of the above mentioned things for the whole day, then sleep. I've always wondered, people are known to comment on other people's lives as being "no life." I wonder now if my lifestyle is one that is extremely happening, or extremely "no life"?

Just joking

I like to crack jokes. However, not many people actually understand the jokes I made. That's where the problem comes in.

The thing is, it is not hard to laugh at my jokes. They usually consists of two layers of meanings, one superficial and the other deeper. One can laugh at the superficial while failing to catch the deeper joke entirely. One may even just laugh at the way I crack the jokes, as opposed to the jokes themselves, deeper meaning or not since, as I have been told a couple of times, I do get pretty animated sometimes.

The problem with such jokes is that I'll never know if the person got the deeper meaning or merely the superficial one. I can only assume that she did, because there is no way she could laugh so heartily at the superficial layer. Then again, I can't be too sure.

The first hint that people just aren't getting the deeper jokes came when I was an undergraduate. I was "marveling" at the N** system of allowing students to take their tests in the Lecture theatre, which was such an awesomely stupid idea since everyone can just turn around and look at each other's script without even straining. I can even lean back slightly, and see the person's script behind me! I was so amazed that I told my friend that "Hey, we can compare our answers later, and we can even discuss quietly; no one will even see us!" We had a good laugh over that. Later when we were submitting our scripts, she spotted a mistake on my script, and told me about it. Then she was surprised that I didn't want to change the answer.

That's the problem apparently. Most people think that when I made any propositions, and I want to make it sound natural, I will just pass it off as a joke, but I still meant it beneath my joking exterior. That's not true however. The case above for example, was a joke in the sense that the system was so stupid that we can actually cheat, but it is also a deeper joke in the sense that I, one of the last persons to actually want to cheat, is actually the one who suggested cheating. The first layer is a sarcastic jab at the school; the second layer is a sarcastic jab at myself for being such a goody-two-shoes.

Naturally, if you don't know me well enough to be a goody-two-shoes, you wouldn't know the second layer of the joke. Or, if you don't know me well enough to know I always make layered jokes, you also won't know from the joke that I actually considered myself to be a goody-two-shoes.

Why do I want to make layered jokes then? Just stick to the simple ones you say. Well, for one, layered jokes are more fun. Any tom, dick or harry can do some piece of slapstick humor. It is only when you throw in some intellectual thinking into the joke, that you see the real fun of it. It is like a secret shared between the teller and his audience, all the more fun because it is unspoken yet perfectly understood. Douglas Adams once said this of Monty Python, that it made him realise "comedy was a medium in which extremely intelligent people could express things that simply couldn't be expressed any other way." That was the spirit of my jokes methink, or at least, I aim to have that spirit.

Again, the problem crops up; how many people would actually understand the intelligent jokes, or how many would bother to try? In my previous post, how many actually got the joke in the last two lines? And did I really mean it when I say that the electronic ordering system was stupid? You will be surprised at how many people actually didn't get it.

This problem creates some additional problems. Some people, owing to a misunderstanding of my jokes, or a failure to appreciate the deeper layer, think that I am egoistic (in fact usually when I am jokingly self-deprecating), callous (when I joke about leaving people who I care about in the lurch; I wouldn't joke about it if they were people I don't care about), or vulgar (I don't even want to imagine why). Which would explain why some people took an intense dislike to me, and some of the weird comments that I am really egoistic and like.

Maybe I ought to add a disclaimer each time I make a joke, to emphasize that it is just a joke. Something like "Hahaa, JUST JOKING."

In a perfect world, there is no need for such disclaimers. But apparently this is not that world.

Jokes with double meanings are double the fun, but it can get a little lonely in a world where no one understands them. Even something seems to be lost the minute I actually declare that "Hahaa, just joking." Something IS lost already the minute I wrote this post.

SME

Fans of Macdonald's breakfasts would know the agony of ordering the best meal on the breakfast menu: a Sausage McMuffin with egg meal.

For one, your tongue has no business twisting around seven syllables first thing in the morning. And if you take your time mouthing the words, chances are by the time you said "A sausage... McMuffin..." the cashier would have registered your order as a Sausage mcMuffin meal, which god knows is the worst meal on the menu, and woe be on you to try to retract that order.

The Macdonald's staff however have a way around that particular problem. They never had to shout across the restaurant first thing in the morning, "A sausage McMuffin with egg meal!", "Another sausage McMuffin with egg meal!", "Yet another sausage McMuffin with egg meal goddammit!" If they had, it would be obvious that god wouldn't patron Macdonald's very often. As it is, they shout this instead, "One SME, please!", "Another SME!" Or they would if the latest electronic ordering system had not been put in place, which is a stupid idea anyway--there is nothing like listening to the staff shouting one SME, two SMEs first thing in the morning.

The funny thing is, I had never dared to place that order instead. I know if I did, the Macdonalds staff would go "Huh? What SME? SMRT is to the left of Jurong Point. Please refer to the menu and place your order accordingly." Or they would if they had a Bachelor's degree in English at Cambridge. They would probably just go "Huh?" and look blankly at me. Then I would have to explain that I actually wanted "a Sausage McMuffin with egg meal", whereupon they would nod and shout across the restauarant "one SME, please!"

It is like a special code word, something that is unique to the Macdonald's staff. Coming from a patron, it wouldn't make any sense, but it would if it were coming from another Macdonald's staff. It is like if you were riding on one of the SMRT trains, and an aunty, who moments ago had mulishly squeezed in through the train doors just as it was opening, turned to you and said, "Do you have Being? " You would go "Huh?", or think that she is asking if you are a Beng, even though it is perfectly clear English and even though half of the Philosophy department would agree that it is perfectly non-rubbish.

So it is with a kind of philosophical respect that I avoid using "SME" with the Macdonald's staff. Let them have their own special way of speaking I'd say; if the Continentals can do it, why not them?

There is however, one particular thing which I am wondering at. I mentioned earlier that the Sausage McMuffin meal is the worst on the menu. Which is rather a pity, because I have never seen anyone ordering it. Why is it a pity however?

Well the reason is rather simple. Suppose one had said "One Sausage McMuffin meal, please." What then would the Macdonald's staff shout across the restaurant?

"One SM, please!"

Gladly, around the back, please.

Fly — previously published in my old blog

Born in the dark alleys, amidst heaps of rotting refuse, this is no ordinary fly. On the day it was born, an incandescent white dove had glided overhead, portending a great fly in the wait. Its mother had decided on the spot that its going to be named after the auspicious dove, but had been unable to convey her decision since she was immediately eaten up by the auspicious bird.

The fly is, naturally, unaware of its mother's misfortune, nor of its own name. It had earned its own name in its own right; having lived a total of 2 months, it is already one of the most experienced fly around.

The fly has one abnormality; it is born with a squint: the left eye tends to wander. That is to say, while other flies see a thousand images reflected in their thousands facets of both eyes, this fly sees double that. It might have accounted for its longevity, it might not.

Altogether, it is a humble fly. It has no illusions about the future; one day is as good as any, so long as it could roll about in the dumps every nightfall, and perform the dance with some females every now and then. That has on occasions, led to no small embarrassment--til now, he couldn't quite figure out how to tell the females from the males. The only consolation being the rest of the community similarly in the state of confusion.

Suddenly something jolts it out its reverie. Whirling quickly towards the origin of the smell, its myriads of small eyes zooms in on a plate of prawns lying innocently on a table. The smell of the thing overwhelmed its head, and it made a beeline for it.

A slight change in the air pressure is all the warning it got. Flipping itself desperately, it somersaults in two tight loops, the extra momentum carrying it narrowly beyond the path of a black fly swat passing through the strip of air it occupied a moment ago.

There is a slight pause. As though the owner of the fly swat is surprised at the miss.

Then the air erupts in a flurry of blows, coming in from all directions, seeking to squash the fly in its ever tightening range. The fly clamps down on its teeth, dodging the millions of swipes it sees, slipping through the gaps in between the strokes. It is a matter of life and death, literally.

An orange coloured fly swat joins in the fray, and the air is practically humming with death. But still, it has not lived its life thus far for nought: every feint is quickly seen through, every killing stroke carefully averted.

Abruptly, a pair of chopsticks weaves in amidst the wild swipes of the two flyswats, and would have crushed the fly between its metal vises had it not seen it coming head on, so silent it has been. As it is, the chopsticks only missed its left antenna by mere nano-inches. A martial arts exponent, it thought, judging from the efficient way it reaches in from afar and withdrawing just as fast to allow for the swinging of the swats.

The split second it is distracted, it finds itself being pursued in the horizontal path of the black swat. Cursing itself inwardly, it tries to angle off left before climbing. It soon realises its mistake when the orange swat swerves with frightening speed in midstroke to meet the black swat with the full intention of catching it in between.

With a desperation it is coming to feel, it flattens its wings and banks sharply, plunging downwards, spiralling furiously between the two rapidly narrowing swats. It clears the fatal runway at the last instant before the two swats rams into each other; spiralling brings it face to face with the two hideous swats screaming past its face that set its teeth chattering with the sheer force of it just before they clamped shut.

For a moment, it could see bits and pieces of the previous victims that had fallen under the twin weapons; appendages and abdomens frozen forever in the cracks and folds of the swats.

More by instinct than anything, it kicks with all its strength at the two swats just as it clears them, adding to the air impact, propelling it even further from the swats, thus barely avoiding the chopsticks as it snaps at the spot it has vacated split seconds earlier.

Wings almost a blur, it flings itself away from the table. A dozens rubber bands followed it, dashing themselves against the wall with a loud smack when they missed.

Escaped! The fly exults in triumph. It could hear the exclamations of the hairless apes in the distance. "No fly have escaped my swat for years!" "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! IT GOT PAST MY CHOPSTICKS!"

So much for the martial arts exponents, the fly thought smugly, that wasn't too hard...

WHAM!

A toddler lifts one of its pudgy foot, exposing the half flatten fly.

"Where did it go?!?"

"Quick, find it!"

Drawing breath is a mighty effort, but the fly grits its teeth, resolutely keeping its eyes closed. It has been through situations like this, as long as it keeps its cool, recovery is not a problem, playing dead is only...

WHAM WHAM WHAM

The toddler bends to examine the gooey remains of the fly, fascinated at how the insides of the fly possess a distinctly different colour from the fly itself.

The search for the fly continued, but the apes never found it.

Left lying desolately in a corner, the grave of a legend never to be found again remained unmarked, all alone.

Debate -- previously published in my old blog

Note: This is just for fun, if you are that kind that would scream Blasphemy everytime anything supernatural is mentioned, you best not read on. Its just for fun yah, and I am not poking fun at any religion.

At a Philosophy conference, a highly sophisticated debate on the existence of god is going on. For the benefit of the larger non-philosophically inclined audience out there, the actual debate is translated into easy to understand language, leaving out the technical terms.

Philosopher A: God exist because...

Philosopher B injected: God doesn't exist.

A : He does.

B: Doesn't.

A: Does!

B: Doesn't!!!

A banged on the table for effect, knocking over his glass of water in the process, and screamed back: DOES!!!!!!!

B did exactly the same thing, though cleverly exchanging the 'does' with a 'doesn't', which was regarded as a very neat move by the seated audience who gave him an ovation.

A composed himself visibly after having obviously lost the first round of debate, cleared his throat and started again: God exist because...

B: ...doesn't.

A ignored him and continued: because the Bible says so.

B jumped to his feet, and was pushed back into his seat by his colleagues for his trouble, but shot back anyway: And why should we trust the Bible?

A: Because the Bible is based on the words of God.

B: and?

A: and the words of God are always true.

B: So you are saying God says he exist, so he exist???

A: yes!!!

God appeared with a poof in the middle of the conference room, and interrupted: NOW I DON'T THINK I SAID THAT EXACTLY; I AM NOT EVEN SURE I EXIST.

Jaws around the room began dropping onto the floor, much to the consternation of the janitors who had to sweep up after the debate.

A jumped to his feet and exclaimed: Ah ha! The final and crushing proof! By His very appearance!

B: wait a minute! How do we even know he is He? This is a philosophical debate for heaven's sake, the last thing we need is the real thing! We need theoretical proofs! We refuse to believe in anything even if it is there, unless you can write it down in paper for us to read!

A: hmm, yah. prove that you are God first.

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO?

A: like turn this table into solid gold?

He turned the table into solid gold.

LIKE THIS?

B: Can you turn him into a pig? (points at A)

A: Why you... ! Why do you.... oink oink oink oink.. want to turn me into.... Whats everybody laughing at?

LIKE THIS?

B: how about creating a rock that you cant lift?

He created a rock that he cant lift.

LIKE THIS?

B: Ah ha! so you are conceding that there is something that you cant do afterall! You cant lift the rock, so you are not omnipotent!

OH, YOU WANT ME TO LIFT THAT ROCK?

He went and lift that rock.

B: Then you didnt create a rock that you cant lift in the first place! You are still not omnipotent!

OK DUDE.

He created a bigger rock.

I CAN'T LIFT THAT NOW.

B: Not omnipotent!

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I AM A DYNAMIC GOD. WHEN YOU ASKED ME TO CREATE THAT ROCK, I CAN'T LIFT IT, BUT WHEN YOU ASK ME TO LIFT IT, I CAN. GET IT?

A: But God is not supposed to be dynamic...

LOOK, SMART ASS. WHO'S THE GOD HERE, YOU OR ME?

B: But if God is dynamic, then nothing in the world would be static. What about moral laws? Rights and wrongs. They would be totally dynamic as well then?

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THEY ARE NOT?

B: What makes you think they are?

COS I CREATED THEM.

B: and how would I know that?

THATS MY POINT, YOU DON'T. SO I FORGIVE YOU, AMEN.

A: Wait a minute. Just now when you appeared, you said you don't even know if you yourself exist.

YUP, THATS CORRECT, OLD BOY.

A: Do you know about Descartes?

ARE YOU DOUBTING MY ALL-KNOWING ASPECT NOW?

A: eh... no. thats just a perfunctory question.

I KNOW.

A: err.... ok nvm. Back to Descartes, you cant don't know that if you exist.

WHY?

A: Do you doubt that you exist?

THATS WHAT I AM SAYING.

A: But the very act of doubting reaffirms a mind. You doubt, you can think, therefore you exist.

NEGATIVE.

A: huh?

HOW DO YOU KNOW I CAN DOUBT? YOU ARE NOT ME.

A: well, you just said you can, didnt you?

AH HA! YOU THINK I SAID I CAN DOUBT, BUT HOW CAN YOU BE SURE I AM NOT MERELY PART OF YOUR IMAGINATION?

A: well... are you then?

NO.

A: So you can doubt, and exist?

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF WHAT I JUST TOLD YOU IS NOT PART OF YOUR IMAGINATION?

A: well...

SO I DON'T KNOW IF I EXIST.

A (feebly): but you can know...

CHUCK THAT LINE OF THOUGHT ALREADY.

He then proceed to disappear with another poof, taking the solid gold table with him, sending the academic papers resting peacefully on it a moment ago flying into the air.