gone

When one day I'm gone, I wouldn't want people to say things like "I'll miss him," "He's a good friend, a good man." etc. I don't think I can stand being addressed in the third-person after I'm gone; it will be like the relationships I once share with them no longer exist anymore, like a break-off or something, though of course, technically that's true.

Maybe some people would go thinking: I should feel sad, this is a sad thing. Maybe they will be sad to the point that they would drop a tear or two when they think furiously of the times I shared with them, the jokes I made them laugh with, the tiny little incidents of remorse that will never get resolved already.

I don't want all that.

What I really want, when I am gone, is people to thump their hearts and weep their eyes out, crying that they couldn't live on without me, that life is no longer meaningful.

Yea, that will be cool.

Gavagai

How do you know
that you are not a rabbit
waiting to be snared.

Dreams are free movies

Dreams are like movies, and going to sleep nightly is like preparing to go to the movies, except that you, personally, are going to star in every single one of them.

It's always somewhat of a surprise to see what your dreams any night may turn out to be. You may yet be leading another day just like when you are awake, but it will always be interesting, always full of twists and unexpected happenings. You'll get to switch between protagonist and antagonist, sometimes you are even your own enemy!

Sometimes dreams are predictable within certain limits, like when you put your mind to it and think really hard about something or someone for a few hours before sleep, and you will probably dream somewhere along the same lines. Yet we'll never feel cheated, like we would if the Matrix 3 had concluded Neo's real world is in fact another Matrix; even if we know roughly the theme of our dreams tonight, the surprise in seeing how it can unfold always never cease to amaze us, bringing forth our most naked emotions almost without difficulty.

Sad dreams are more moving than the Titanic, and horror ones are scarier than the Saw. Love stories take on a personal flavor, hate episodes really resonate within you. We may even have ambivalent feelings towards dreams, love it and hate it, which is what we normally wouldn't say for movies.

Shock and titillate me; what will my dreams be tonight?

New year

It seems that quite a number of people felt the need to give a sort of wrap-up for the past year, so I think I should join the crowd in doing so.

I dunno about what particular misgivings I had of the past year, maybe its because I am still hung-over from last night's countdown (that sounds really happening, but actually I just drank around 3-4 cups of mixed vodka before I was incapacitated). I am not griping about my results since even though I am not in the desired class of honors, my present one is rather good already.

I dunno about anything particularly celebratory I had over the past year as well, again maybe because I am still woozy from the drinks. OK wait, thats not how I intended to blog from the start. There is one thing that I do know I am rather happy about, which initially I had feared to talk about, cos things which I mentioned in my blog seems to have a way of going in the opposite direction of what I predict.

But with caution, I might just be able to carry this happy change of mindset into the new year. Well its nothing great actually, but for being able to not have sad dreams every night, and not stressing over what I might have done, what I have actually done, and what I should do, I think it is indeed something happy for me. The gist of it is I seem to have gotten over someone.

I know I have said this a couple of times already, but this time, I feel something different. And I feel... lighter. I feel exactly like the last time I wasn't infatuated with anyone at all.

This time however, I am not going to walk into another love-trap again, at least not so soon.