Be happy

I still remember once when I went on a date with my girlfriend, Mel, to Orchard Road. It was a feel good date, brought on by an impromptu decision to go out and enjoy to release all the stress we have been feeling. It was supposed to be a go all out and enjoy night, and neither of us wanted anything to dampen our spirits.

We were just walking along, when suddenly some people in front of us stopped and made a fuss (over something I couldn't remember), effectively blocking our path. The usual us would have clucked our tongues at them, and bitched about it in private afterwards. But just before we started our private tirade about the idiots, I stopped myself and told Mel that it was supposed to be a feel good night--no point spoiling it by dwelling on that incident. Mel just laughed and agreed.

And it felt good. All along I thought that venting my frustrations out by bitching under my breath would make me feel better. But it never worked. Voicing out my frustrations only serves to reinforce them. This incident shows me that while the frustration is still in the process of building up, I should have just nipped it in the bud and think about other stuff.

In this case, my goal is to have a carefree night. So I focused on that. And it worked. I suppose I could have just bitched about it, working myself into an anger, and feel frustrated for like 10 minutes. But what is the point? The only thing I would have achieved is to make myself unhappy for an extended period of time.

Of course, if your frustrations were already welling up, and you feel like bursting already, I think it is best that you simply talk to someone about it. But unless you are clinically depressed, you wouldn't be focused on your frustrations all day long. These frustrations would take time to form; you can even feel them coming up, like a tide of brackish water rising up your throat. They are the unhappy thoughts that pop up from time to time amidst a sea of happy thoughts. And precisely when they are taking their time to form, we have to do our best to think of other happier thoughts.

Divert your attention with something nice. Distract yourself. Focus on making yourself happy.

There are unhappy times. These are the times when work has been thrust upon us without a choice, when life doesn't go our way. Life is imperfect as it is with these times. Why double, or triple the duration by dwelling on them when you could be enjoying yourself? If you have to work for eight hours a day, and you spend another eight hours dwelling on the stresses of work, aren't you spending sixteen hours a day in misery? Why torture yourself so?

Let the misery times be miserable, and the non-misery times be happy.