Tired

So tired... of everyday.
Tired of having to wake up,
of breathing,
of drinking water,
of having to bathe,
of having to decide on breakfast,
of actually eating the breakfast,
of trudging to school,
of deciding on where to lunch,
what to lunch,
and of lunching itself.
Tired of having to trudge home again,
of eating dinner,
of having to bathe again,
of reading notes,
of eating supper,
of being online,
of deciding when to sleep,
of trying to put myself to sleep,
of sleeping itself,
of breathing while sleeping.

Hell

Living is a chore: the intense light hurts the eye; the incessant noise seiges the ear; the unending pain on the senses; the bland taste of food; the gnaw of hunger; the chore of inflating lungs; the thirst for water; the aimlessness of every day; the pointlessnesss of goals, ambitions; the fear of love; the worry about death; the hatred of sleep; the impossibility of staying clean; the inability to focus; the hunger for stimulations; the intense need for peace; the worry of heat; the terror of being cold.

What the...

Inextricable

Poor, poor, pathetic fools
mired in that Cycle,
beyond their comprehension
lulled by the promise of Warmth and Comfort
exchanged warmth and comfort in it's stead;
fools' gold for fools' gold.

Moan for them;
dead as they were,
the stillborns
entrapped in a snare;
offering their souls on the Altar
initiates of Deception, and
Victim

to the seductive goddess
on a Pedestal.

Stupor

We are in a stupor.

The greater part of the day is spent in a daze: we know not what we are doing. Looking back at the end of the day, we can only remember some of the more interesting bits. Looking inward to yourself, what exactly are you feeling now? Happiness? Or some sadness carried over from a previous episode? Or would most of us say, for most of the time, we dont really know what we are feeling at all?

That's why we are constantly searching for interesting bits of news, things to do, anything to wake us up from this stupor, if only momentarily.

That is also the reason why you are reading this at all: to see if there is anything interesting written here, something to pull your attention outwards forcefully, as though to remind yourself that you are alive.

And you cant help but admit, that you feel yourself intrigued by this idea that someone else could tell you about this mysterious and extremely interesting psychological fact about yourself which you yourself never suspected.

Maybe we should pause to reflect on this: are we really in a stupor? Are most of what we do and think, merely realization of the subconscious desire to pull us out of this void, this emptiness, this stupor?

Why could we be not, like the sky diver, having constantly experienced thrills, uncontroversially interesting events, yet still seek out even greater thrills, not for the need to release from this state of stupor, but for novelty and an even greater life? The maxim "Life could be better" need not be viewed in a depressing light, for it could mean that life can be an ever ascending roller coaster ride (and nevermind the sharp drop at the end).

But perhaps we should ask ourselves, the true arbiter of our feelings, even if we couldnt prove it: are our lives like that of the thrill seeker, or is it mostly nauseously filled with emptiness where we know not what to feel, to be sad or happy, or anything in between?

Then, as we ask that question, like a sudden chill that grips the heart, we cant help but being stunned at the same time by another "Why are we doing all these?"

And hurriedly, without admitting to ourselves that we had ever asked such a frivolous and inane question, pass over it, and bury the thought, along with its unborn answers, with important tasks like eating and doing homework. Just like how you will be forgetting about this post the minute you finished reading it, if you managed to.

Love of

At the risk of sounding extremely nerdy, I have decided to jot this down. Some people have, over the years, expressed to me their aversion to studying, how they could not wait to graduate and step into the working world, and how much they dread tests and assignments.

Not a few, have all but said explicitly, felt curiosity, as would be upon encountering a 2 headed snake, when they know I would very much prefer to be studying rather than working, and may even be studying for 7 more years after graduating.

Some even told me, that studying is not everything. That I will realise, upon graduation, Life is more than studying, and that I should do something I really like in the course of my studies, instead of just mindlessly slogging my way through with scant regard for my personal enjoyment.

What these people seem to assume, is that studying couldnt be an end in itself; that it is merely a tool to get what we want in life, but you couldnt be happy doing it; that we needed to do something else to keep our sanity in this tests- and assignments- filled lifestyle.

While I sincerely think the above advice might be true for them, I dont really agree that it is applicable to everyone. Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, there are a huge variety of things that a person might like.

Certainly a sense of sadness and pity (for me) would be conveyed when these people know that what I take to be enjoyment is precisely what they think we need some syrup to go down the throat with, but the opposite may be said of them: that it is sad, from my perspective, that these people are doing something they dislike immensely, yet are forced, by themselves no less, to endure.

I do not deny, however, that I dread doing tests and assignments too, or worse, the exams! But despite these, I know I love studying itself, even if I hate hitting the books as much as the next guy.

Once I do start reading though, particularly philosophy, there is a certain fire that runs through my veins, as though the words were leaping off the pages, and overwhelming my brain with rivulets of gold; concepts previously unknown to me slowly shining with a light as they flow into the existing runnels in my brain, harder ones ill-fitting until they carve out new runnels, like tributaries, all flowing into the source of knowledge.

My face would flush, my pen would start twirling to the hidden rhythm in the words, and my mind would wander in the fantasy world where concepts mingle and gave birth to newer ones. Whereupon I would break off from studying, to allow my mind to take a breather, and this is usually the time when I would blog about the newer, more interesting concepts which has nothing to do with philosophy.

There are only 2 events in the whole of my life's experience that would give me these feelings, and one of them is studying philosophy.

And now, you can officially call me a nerd huh. ;-p

Just some random thoughts

1. Maybe someday, we would be able to have some form of control over time. Like able to stop time for a short time, or at least slow it considerably, in a limited space. Then we would be able to have the best fridge in the world, one which doesnt need to operate with lowered temperature at all!

Anything you put in, close the door, and take out a week later, will be as fresh as the day, indeed the moment!, as you put it in. Ice cream can be stored in the same storage area as a hot cup of milo. They wouldnt have time to affect each other's temperature!

2. It is likely that there are people with telepathic abilities walking in our midst, some of them may even be our friends, those who have a special knack for holding in secrets (as unlikely that may seem).

Why then, these people can simply pick thoughts off our brains as easily as eavedropping on conversations, nah, easier! That is how cool. So I think, maybe, with the possibility of having these people around, we should all walk around thinking the following thought all the time in our brains:

Wow you have telepathic abilities! Can you teach me pleasssee?

Perhaps then, some telepathic person will pick that thought straight from our brains, and sensing our sincerity at the same time, volunteer to teach us how to be telepathic! That will be like how cool!

Wow you have telepathic abilities! Can you teach me pleasssee?
Wow you have telepathic abilities! Can you teach me pleasssee?
Wow you have telepathic abilities! Can you teach me pleasssee?
Wow you have telepathic abilities! Can you teach me pleasssee?
Wow you have telepathic abilities! Can you teach me pleasssee?
Wow you have telepathic abilities! Can you teach me pleasssee?
Wow you have telepathic abilities! Can you teach me pleasssee?
Wow you have telepathic abilities! Can you teach me pleasssee?
Wow you have telepathic abilities! Can you teach me pleasssee?
Wow you have telepathic abilities! Can you teach me pleasssee?
Wow you have telepathic abilities! Can you teach me pleasssee?

complaining

I've decided not to blog about how absurd life is anymore. For one, if Life is absurd, then anything we do in Life is absurd, including trying to prove that Life is absurd. Hence it was a meaningless exercise after all to blog about it. I dont really have any good arguments for it anyway, it just arose from a gut feeling in me that life is absurd. Besides, blogging about this is boring.

So there... no more such posts.

So I shall blog about other stuff then. For 3years, i have been holding this in, but now i no longer can. Yes, I am going to complain about my classmates, whom I have finally gotten extremely pissed off with.

Not anyone in particular though, just talking about generally what types of classmates piss me off.

Number 1 on my list: interrupters. We have a certain kind of people who like philosophy, and that usually include people who like to argue. Unfortunately, some people obviously think that the license to argue (which they dont have) gives them the license to interrupt the professors and the people they are arguing with.

And sometimes, they pause a while after interrupting, signifying an end of turn, and the professors spoke to answer, but they just snatch the floor back by talking over the professors after they formulated what they were going to say.

Its not that I have a grudge against them, since they never interrupted me (I didnt speak as much as you might think), but I just thought it rude of them to do so.

Number 2 on my list: People with fake accents. Philosophy, the field of debate proper. Obviously you need to have a good command of spoken english to debate properly (which I dont). But some people think they do, and they fake accent to do that. You can tell that its fake when they accentuated certain words at regular intervals in their speech, and when they used the same words again, it might not be accentuated at all, as though they forgot they have to "accent" it. I'd say, if you think your english doesnt sound nice, please dont speak, instead of trying to act angmoh.

Number 3 on my list: Well.. this is quite specific towards some guy, so its not as I said earlier on about not targetting anyone in particular. This guy grunts all the time. Not just unintentionally, like he might have some uncontrollable condition to grunt. He grunts in assent to everything the professors said. Every sentence. "mm mm."

And if he posed a question, and the professors are replying to his questions, he grunts even louder. To every sentence. You can drive a man crazy by grunting so much. Imagine how many sentences can be spoken in a minute. Around 40sentences. Imagine how many that is in a 3hours seminar. Especially when you have to sit next to him. I almost bit my tongue to commit suicide then and there.

Well, I am done ranting. Its no coincidence that none of my classmates have my blog adddress, so I am safe here. lol.