Is life a trial?

It either started with Sophie (Mel's doggie) getting skin problems, or me getting rejected by ANU for my PhD application. After that, it's just one problem after the other.

Monash rejected my application as well soon after, and within a week, the uni reverted on the status of my MA thesis: major amendments required before further examination. And when just when I thought things cannot possibly be worse, Edward (our cat) developed some eye problem. One of his third eyelids is out, and he looks pained by the light. He also failed to pee and poo for a day, and was feeling a little feverish.

We brought him to the vet the first thing in the morning, since it was night time when we discovered his ailments. The vet surprisingly diagnosed the eye problem as nothing serious, just a little infection. The trouble is with not peeing. Apparently his bladder is full, but he is unable to pee. That might mean he has crystals in his urinary tract, or the tract is inflamed, or some serious problems. If he continues to be unable to pee, he will die in a few days.

That's not it. The vet also found a small lump on his belly. And apparently his sagging belly is slightly too big to be normal as well.

The vet wanted to hospitalize him for 3 days. But I have heard horror stories about mt pleasant, so I decided not. They gave him a jab to ease the inflammation, if it is one, and told me to monitor the situation. I decided that if he still doesn't pee soon, I will bring him to another clinic to be hospitalized.

Thankfully he did, and has been peeing (seemingly) normally now. Because I wasn't there at the clinic in person, I called back to speak to the vet. I needed to know where the lump is in order to monitor it. The vet was off duty by the time I called, but the clinic promised that they will get her to call me back. She didn't though.

I'm going to call them tmr, and get the location of the lump, and after that, switch vet.

photo updates

Updates

ANU rejected my phd application. =s So don't ask me about it anymore. I might apply elsewhere.

Now I am working at the Royal Bank of Scotland, as a contract staff. Work place is at One Raffles Quay. Pay is decent for a temp staff.

New kitten

We just adopted a little kitten. He is a half siamese, only 9 weeks old now. Mel named him Edward, and he's been staying at my place for 2 weeks already. He's quite naughty/playful, manja at times, and sleepy the rest of it.

This is his puss-in-boots look.

Teddy

First we have tree-huggers.



Then we have human-huggers.

In the case of wars

Forgive me if I'm grossly mistaken about this.

When we have a disagreement between nations, our leaders cannot just sit down and just talk about it (because the other parties are always made up of idiots who refuse to see reason, i.e. give us what we want without question).

We need to war. We kill their people and raze their buildings. They do the same to us. Finally, when one side cannot take it anymore, it surrenders.

The winner has the advantage in the talks now, and the loser must concede to most of, if not all, the conditions laid down by the winner (if it refuses, kill some more people and raze more buildings).

Thus we have peace again.

Question: why can't we simply have the leaders play Scissors, Paper, Stone with each other? Or arm wrestling or something?

Thesis

I'm really, really swamped with work now, thus it's no surprise that I'm not blogging regularly. Not that I have been blogging regularly for the past 6months though, haha. The past trend, however, is that I will blog a lot when I'm using my brains intensively for my work. This time is different: either because I am REALLY busy this time, or I'm not actually using much brain power for this thesis. Heh.

Animals! (sort of)

What's that blop of cotton-like thing?



Presenting Sophie, the Japanese Spitz! My girlfriend's doggie. Contrary to her name, which sort of means wisdom in greek, Sophie can be quite silly at times. Or some would say, most of the times.


Aww isn't that cute?



This isn't an animal, obviously, but it is here because I built it. Simply an amazing feat of architecture, don't you think? I suggest you agree for the sake of your health.



Don't know what the silly girl is doing. Legs all over the place.



Bird's eggs! Found in a packet of van houten chocolate! Ok, not really. They just look a lot like bird's eggs, but they are chocolate (gone bad I suspect). I've returned them to the shop after agonizing and fussing (as mel would say) over it for an hour or so.



Kittens I found in campus! Betcha only saw two. It's kittens photo hunt time! Can you find all four kittens in the picture?



Look carefully, can you see the black garden slug in the middle of the photo? Simply disgusting! Reminds me of this show about killer slugs, which I forgot the name of. This photo was taken while I was trying to snap more pictures of the kittens.



The white kitten is basking in the moonlight. Or would have been if the moon were out that night.

The Hunt

Now I pretend to leave,
shifting slightly
gearing to go.
And watch as people
play a little charade
a little feet dancing
Right in front of me.

They are the wolves
they are the hounds
they are moving in for the kill!
Then I settle back in,
and watch as the wolves therein
Howl and scream.

Disgust

You singaporean!
The look on your face
as you squeeze through the train doors;
the loathsome Greed
as you jostle for seats
Disgusts me.

And as I get up from my seat,
you shift ever so slightly,
not to give me space
but to maneuver yourself
to sit before others do so.

Fair trade

The kind of people you mix with really do affect the way you are.

When I was still a young and unassuming kid in secondary kid, I once asked around my friends for computer games, having just recently acquired a computer from my aunt. I remember this boy telling me about a game, which he described in some details, generally telling me what a great game it is. So I asked him for it, and he say "Can, but you must trade me a game also. It's only fair, right?"

I remember thinking that's right, a one-for-one exchange is only right. And I would have thought that such is how the world operates, even between friends. However, because I have only just gotten my computer then, I have no games of my own, and as such, is unable to carry out any trade.

Then I went to another friend's house, probably to do some project work. Edmund, the friend, introduced me to another game, which I still remember as Sango 3, a war strategy game based on the 3 states warring period. Maybe he offered, or maybe I asked for it, he copied the game for me on some floppy discs to bring home. When I pointed out that I don't have any games to trade him in return, he just dismissed it saying he doesn't need any trade.

I guess I could have grown up either way, being a stickler for fair trade, or being generous with my stuff. Maybe it was due to the chronological order of how the events played out, or maybe it just sits better with me because I was on the receiving end of Edmund's generosity, I turned out to be the generous sort after all.

Of course, this is not putting down people who insist on fair trade. In fact, with my current world view (nihilistic), and with the apparent advent of many freeloaders in this world, insistence on fair trade seems pretty much the consistent thing for me to do. Perhaps my generosity nature is yet another symptom of my irrationality.

reservist

Haven't been blogging regularly nor doing work these days. The reason, as some of you would have known, is that I have been called up for reservist for the past 2 weeks, and as of now, I still have a few more days of reservist left. I hate the army, really.

A couple of nights on the hard floor in camp makes me realize how comfortable my bed really is. A couple of weeks in camp makes me realize how little time I have left for doing my thesis. I might just flunk it simply because the $%#@ CO thinks he is actually smart enough to tell when I really need the time to complete my thesis. Bunch of %^@#$ fools.

The philosophers' trial

At the philosophers' trial, some philosophers are charged with causing grievous harm to fictitious characters in thought experiments...

Surreality

Broad blue skies,

and a jade-like moon.

Colors in the wind

and the love of my life.

You can't step into the same river twice

Not only because the river is constantly changing, "YOU" are constantly changing too, hence the title.

If some philosophers are correct (namely the 4-dimensionalists), then you are not the same person as the person a year ago. Nor are you the same person an hour ago. Not even a second ago.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking: of course I am not the same person I was a second ago. I have changed, slightly, from moment to moment. Compare the you 10 years ago and the you now, there will have been differences in terms of physical states and beliefs and desires. If we assume that the changes take place along a continuum of time, gradually and smoothly, then there will be changes however imperceptible every second. (At the very least, each breath you take will cause chemical changes throughout your body, resulting in minute changes at every moment in time.)

But that's not what those philosophers meant. You are not the same person not because you are a changed person at every following second. You are not even a changed person from the previous second because the previous "you" are not even you AT ALL.

Now what does that mean exactly, to say that the previous "you"-s are not even you at all? In layman terms, it means that a second ago, there is a person who looks almost exactly like you, who shares nearly all of your beliefs and desires, and wants to do almost nearly everything that the current you is doing. But that person is not you. He looks like you, acts like you, thinks like you; he thinks he will be you, and you think you had been him, but he is not you, neither are you him.

You are not the same person as the person who started reading this page. Nor are you the same person as the person who started reading this sentence. You exist only at an instant. For the length of reading this page, an infinity of you would have existed and flickered out, each thinking (naively) that they have existed all along with a history of, say, 20 odd years, and will continue to exist for quite some time yet.

How do we explain the appearance of personal history that we appear to be able to call up in our memories? Each of the instantaneous you possess an entire set of beliefs, desires, and memories, each largely coherent with the preceding you. For example you at time T would possess the memories of having sat down at the table and the current experiences of sitting down at the table; you at time T+1 would possess the memories of sitting down at the table and the current experiences of reading this post; you at time T+2 would have the memories of reading this post, and the current experiences of trying to remember all the memories you have since childhood in order to prove this post wrong; you at time T+3 would have the memories of trying to remember all the memories you have since childhood in order to prove this post wrong and the current experiences of doing that some more., etc.

All the memories are merely apparent memories. They are real memories, but only in the sense that they appear to be of the current you doing certain things in the past. But you never did those things, your previous selves might have, but they weren't you.

In fact, you don't need to have the previous selves in order to have those memories. They could simply have appeared in the repertoire of the current you's mind without there being any previous beings having done whatever you thought you have done in those memories.

You could simply be an instantaneous being who appeared and disappeared, thinking that it has lived for quite some time, and will live for some time yet, and there being no other instantaneous you-s before or after you.

You are thinking: now this surely is absurd. I reflect now, and I can just feel it. There is a whole history stretching back from me. I remember me doing all those stuff. Look, I am touching my cheek now. I shall vividly remember this feeling. 2 seconds later, I am pretty sure that it is the same me who did that cheek-touching; I have that experience in me now, even. Surely I am not mistaken about that!

But you are, if those philosophers are correct. You only think that you are the same person who did the cheek-touching. Maybe there has been a person who really did the cheek touching, but that person is not you, even if the details of the memories you have now is almost identical to the experiences that person has while touching his cheek.

Up till this point, I have not yet given any reasons for thinking this account of you surviving time is correct. But how do you know that it isn't?

Clement's Demon

Suppose one day a Demon pops up in front of you. He randomly chooses fifteen people and threatens to obliterate them with a single word, unless you agree to sacrifice 2 hours of your time everyday for 40 years devoted to counting sand.

Assuming that:

1. You do not take any pleasure whatsoever in counting sand (and most definitely none whatsoever in counting sand 2 hours everyday for the rest of your life);

2. You know (for sure) that the Demon will keep his word--he will not obliterate the people if you agree to sacrifice 2 hours of your time everyday for 40years. If at any point of time you break that agreement, he would obliterate the 15 chosen people immediately.

3. The 15 people will live for another 80 years yet if not obliterated by the Demon.

Would you do it? That is, do you think that the value of 15 human lives is great enough to warrant you giving up 2 hours of your life everyday for 40 years?

Scam kidnapping

Recently, my household has been hit by a series of scam calls.

The first was a few months ago, when I went for a Cameron Highlands trip. It was the last day of the trip (luckily), and I suddenly received a call from some private number. I didn't pick it up since I always get those irritating phone salespeople trying to sell me some stupid bonds. It rang on however, and I decided to pick it up on the second time. It was my aunt. She practically screamed at me, asking me where I am, and how come my mum is rushing out to pay some men who claimed to have kidnapped me.

So in a frenzy, I settled my aunt, and tried calling my mum. Her phone was engaged. So I tried calling my sis. Engaged too. Figured that my mum was talking to my sis. So I smsed the both of them. Minutes later, my sis called back, demanding the same questions as my aunt did. Then my mum called, and I reassured her that nothing's wrong, and that she should make a police report.

The rest of the day was spent in worrying thoughts of what would happen if the scammers decided that robbing us would be better than trying to scam us now that the scam failed.

As a result of that scam call, we changed our phone number and made it private.

The second scam call was a few weeks ago. I picked it up this time round. It was faint, as though the reception wasn't that good, and I vaguely heard someone talking. So I went "hello? hello? I can't hear you." Then the voice got progressively louder, like someone adjusting the mouthpiece. Then I heard someone crying, "(sob sob) I'm in trouble already. (sob sob.)" I didn't respond. Then he repeated himself. I hung up immediately.

It couldn't have been my dad, since it doesn't sound like him, neither does he sound like any of my friends. I was half tempted to laugh at him and call his bluff. But I decided not to incur his wrath, or we might get free pig head hanging on our door tmr.

So here's a word of caution for every of my friends out there. Such things do happen, and not only in the news. Somehow there is a greater urgency when it happens to people near us, and hence it would be good if you tell your parents about such incidents. My mum always caution us about such scam calls when she watches the news, but yet she panicked when it happened to her, and she didn't even think of calling me to verify. And don't think you are safe just because your number is private, because you are not.

Updates

If you haven't known it yet from my facebook updates, I've gotten a girlfriend, which would explain why I am always busy these days and almost never online. That is, if you count online only every other day as "almost never online"; relative to how I was really always online back in the old days, I think that's a fair exaggeration.

I didn't even game much these days. Of the past week, I think I gamed a grand total of 2.5 hours. Over the past month, probably only 3hrs. Luckily, instead of neglecting my work, I actually worked more: from 0 hour a day to 1-2hours a day. But that might just be due to stress from the approaching deadline.

I organized a philosophy introductory series for the year ones some time back. I gave the first talk, and it went rather well, in terms of the turn out and the reception of the talk. The philosophy society helped me do the advertising, so I have them to thank for it.

The second talk however, I did the "advertising" myself, which just involves pasting two posters at the department and nothing else. Worse still, the initial timing for the talk was changed 3 times, owing to unforeseen clashes with other classes (i.e. due to super bad planning on my part), and the final one still clashed with a logic module. As expected, the turn out was extremely bad: none showed up.

I owe an apology to weng hong for agreeing to give a talk but giving him no audience. Sorry!

Reservist

Finally, the dreaded time has come. Starting tomorrow, I will be going for my first ever In Camp training for NS, aka ICT. I heard that I may be able to stay out, since they don't seem to want to provide bunks for us to stay overnight. I have sooo many things to do, and they had to force me to listen to stupid army lectures on how to man a radio set that is a relic from the last war world.

In any case, I will be uncontactable via emails, facebook etc., during this period. 16-21 Feb. Do sms or call me if there is anything. You can also try calling me in the day, so that I will get charged (as in charged in court) for disturbing the stupid lectures with my ringing phone.

And they have to recall us just after 14th Feb.

*Waves*

Please give up your Seats

A curious trend on the MRT is on the rise recently, ever since SMRT decided to make the "Please give up this seat" sign at the corner seats more conspicuous.

Now, we see people choosing not to sit at the corner seats if they can find seats elsewhere, presumably because the seats are for the elderly and disabled (and not because they are lazy to give up their seats later). However, this does not exactly translate into more seats for the elderly and disabled. In fact, it seems to have the opposite effect.

Because the conscientious people refuse to take the seats, the seats are, almost inevitably, taken up by people who don't give a damn about others. And when the elderly or the disabled enter the carriage, these people who don't give a damn about others would just continue to not give a damn to the elderly etc.

And because the signs are so conspicuous about which seats are for the elderly, the other people on the other seats, including those who so "conscientiously" refused to sit at the corner seats, deem it not their duty to give up their seats instead. In the end, no one gave up their seats.

So in the end, the elderly and disabled and the pregnant have to stand.

But on the other hand, if Singapore is so full of such bastards, doesn't it stand to reason that the elderly and the pregnant were once bastards themselves too?

Secondary school reunion

Met up with my secondary school friends today. I haven't seen them for 10 years (really!), so it was with some trepidation that I went to it.

Interestingly, almost all of them haven't changed a bit. I mean, seriously. They look just like when they were in secondary school. Well, some of the guys are taller, and some of the girls wear make-ups now, but other than that, everyone is just a (slightly) enlarged version of themselves in the past.

Oddly enough, they say the same thing of me, that I haven't changed at all. Which is odd because, just a few days ago when I went chinese new year visiting, all my relatives said that I have changed. My cousin couldn't even recognise me! And I've been faithfully going to the annual family reunion dinners.

So the conclusion to draw is that everyone changes every year. But it's all a cycle. After you have changed 10 times, when the 10-year cycle concluded, then hey presto! you have changed back into the original you again.

Facts have thus once again vindicated the doctrine of Eternal Recurrence propounded by Nietzsche, even if that's not what the doctrine originally stated.

Call of the wild

Man likes to domesticate things. We've domesticated savage hounds, turned them into cute puppies. We've tamed felines, breeding them into standoffish house pets. We've brought birds, rodents, and even reptiles into the house. We made creatures of the wild produce milk and lay eggs for our consumption and do stunts for our entertainment. But there's one creature which we probably would never be able to tame.

Woman, the untamable.

Older

I just attended a friend's wedding dinner tonight, which made me realize a couple of things that has been bubbling under the lid waiting to be realized long ago, but for some mysterious reason, has not.

First off, I am getting older. I suppose we all feel older whenever a friend gets married, and you are still a bachelor. But the fact is, I am extremely justified in feeling older. And with a couple more years stuck in the university, the worst is yet to come.

Along with the realization about age, comes the realization about money. To put it bluntly, I am broke. Not exactly penniless, but definitely related through some strong bloodline to it. It just adds to the misery knowing that friends around my age have already repaid their study loans, own a car, applied for a flat, and have a couple of kids on the way.

I suppose I was first attracted to the idea of doing a PhD and being a professor by the supposedly high pay the professors get. 6K a month for a starting pay sounds like really a lot, until you sit down and do your maths, and realize that friends of your age who has started working 6 years before you finally get your Phd would have accumulated so much savings that you have a hell of catching up to do before you can even be as financially stable as them. And that's not counting how much their pay would be by the time you finished your PhD which seems to last forever.

That's assuming you would land a job upon graduation.

For now, having a Phd seems practically having a white elephant. Sure you have a nice sounding "Dr" prefix from then on, but that comes with a price. Or rather, the prefix itself IS the price; introduce me anyone with a Dr in front of their name, and the word "nerd" inevitably pops into mind.

Getting a girlfriend is hard; forget about getting a wife. At least in the short term. If you are staring at another 3 years spent in the university dorm, with a meagre stipend just enough for bread everyday, you don't really want to try feeding another mouth with it. Romantic dates and long holidays are romantic only to the extent that you pay only for your own share, which is not really that romantic anymore. That's assuming that you have the money to go on any dates at all.

And even if you do like someone very much, there is practically nothing you can do about it. Unless she is prepared to throw everything down here in singapore and go overseas with you to live in a dump. And if you really like someone, you don't even want to subject her to that. You can only hope and pray, like the ancient chinese scholars who leave their homeland for the imperial examinations, that you come back laden with glory (and cash) and nothing has changed. Statisticians would tell you that such possibility is in the range of something small to the power of something big, and philosophers would tell you that it is an impossibility.

What to do? What would you do in my circumstances?

Suck thumb.

New Year's Resolutions

Yay 2009! Happy New Year! Wishes and greetings all around for a day which has absolutely no significance whatsoever other than an arbitrary flip of the calender. But anyhow, I do sincerely wish all my friends good health and good luck for the next 365 days, which is another entirely arbitrary number with no significance whatsoever.

Now for the New year Resolutions:

1. Work Hard! On my MA thesis, and my PhD application! And get into a good PhD program dammit.
2. Stop having stray thoughts.
3. Gain another 5-10 kg. In case you didn't know, my last year's resolution for my weight went perfectly according to plan. I gained 10kg over last year.
4. Get my black belt. Which is impossible, since they only hold 3 gradings each year, and I'm 4kyu. Or am I 3rd?
5. Improve family relationships.
6. Be less weird.
7. Be less enthusiastic in various areas.

Ok that's it so far. Maybe I'll think of more resolutions another day.