Darkest day of my life.

08/07/2007 was my day of Commencement.

09/07/2007 was the day I went partially blind. Specifically, in my left eye.

it started on the day of commencement. Because I was wearing contacts, and it has been a long day, my eye started drying I guess. when I reached home to remove the contacts, my eyes were pretty tired and dreid already. and when I removed it, I accidentally ripped my cornea, I ddint know that at first of cos. I just started having blurry vision in my left eye. Played a bit of games before I went to bed.

In the middle of the night, my eye started to hurt. At first its just like something got into my eye. But around 3am, the pain was realy terrbile. by 5am, the pain was unbearable. I was rushed to NUH by my family.

along the way, the pain was so bad that seriously, death would have been a much better relief. Or just to have my eye dug out. I was having my eyes closed, but even if i opened my eyes, it still hurt the same. and it hurts worse whenever my eye moved. which happen all the time, responding to some physical stimuli, or sound. I couldnt open the right eye, for the eye-eye coordination will make the left eye move under the eyelids, and thats when I feel like dying.

At nuh, the doctor dripped some instant relief eye drops into my eyes, and I was thus relievd of the unbearable pain for sometime. my vision was still blurry, abd my left eye still felt swollen. I was given medicine, and told that it would recover in 48hrs time most probably. When I left the hospital, the pain resumed, the eyedrops effects wearing off. Oral painkillers did not work at all.

All the way till 10am, I was hurting like crazy, and the left eye constantly weeping, which added to the pain. I was given a small vial of instant pain relief, but it contained only like 5 drops, and each drop could only relieve the pain for 5mins before the tears wash it off and the pain resuming.

Now its better, after spending 1 whole day being blinded, and attempting to sleep with the pain. All sorts of information went through my mind when I was blind. Like how sleeping will land you in the REM sleep approx 1-4hrs after you fell asleep. REM which stands for rapid eye movemenet will virtually guarantee that any relief I can get from sleeping will be worsen, and disturbed by the REM cycle. I thought of the ethics class, which talked about pain so unbearable, that it is an assault to the dignity of human life to be allowed to be continued. I thought of things I cant recall now. I thought of people, most of them images from the previous day Commencement. I thought of what I would do if I went blind, what I should do. Of Braille. I thought of some people, I didnt think of some people.

One thing for sure, I wont be wearing contacts again for the rest of my life.

p.s. I was typing most of this post with my eyes closed. So pardon any mistakes. and the vanity of being able to do so.