Secondary school reunion

Met up with my secondary school friends today. I haven't seen them for 10 years (really!), so it was with some trepidation that I went to it.

Interestingly, almost all of them haven't changed a bit. I mean, seriously. They look just like when they were in secondary school. Well, some of the guys are taller, and some of the girls wear make-ups now, but other than that, everyone is just a (slightly) enlarged version of themselves in the past.

Oddly enough, they say the same thing of me, that I haven't changed at all. Which is odd because, just a few days ago when I went chinese new year visiting, all my relatives said that I have changed. My cousin couldn't even recognise me! And I've been faithfully going to the annual family reunion dinners.

So the conclusion to draw is that everyone changes every year. But it's all a cycle. After you have changed 10 times, when the 10-year cycle concluded, then hey presto! you have changed back into the original you again.

Facts have thus once again vindicated the doctrine of Eternal Recurrence propounded by Nietzsche, even if that's not what the doctrine originally stated.

Call of the wild

Man likes to domesticate things. We've domesticated savage hounds, turned them into cute puppies. We've tamed felines, breeding them into standoffish house pets. We've brought birds, rodents, and even reptiles into the house. We made creatures of the wild produce milk and lay eggs for our consumption and do stunts for our entertainment. But there's one creature which we probably would never be able to tame.

Woman, the untamable.

Older

I just attended a friend's wedding dinner tonight, which made me realize a couple of things that has been bubbling under the lid waiting to be realized long ago, but for some mysterious reason, has not.

First off, I am getting older. I suppose we all feel older whenever a friend gets married, and you are still a bachelor. But the fact is, I am extremely justified in feeling older. And with a couple more years stuck in the university, the worst is yet to come.

Along with the realization about age, comes the realization about money. To put it bluntly, I am broke. Not exactly penniless, but definitely related through some strong bloodline to it. It just adds to the misery knowing that friends around my age have already repaid their study loans, own a car, applied for a flat, and have a couple of kids on the way.

I suppose I was first attracted to the idea of doing a PhD and being a professor by the supposedly high pay the professors get. 6K a month for a starting pay sounds like really a lot, until you sit down and do your maths, and realize that friends of your age who has started working 6 years before you finally get your Phd would have accumulated so much savings that you have a hell of catching up to do before you can even be as financially stable as them. And that's not counting how much their pay would be by the time you finished your PhD which seems to last forever.

That's assuming you would land a job upon graduation.

For now, having a Phd seems practically having a white elephant. Sure you have a nice sounding "Dr" prefix from then on, but that comes with a price. Or rather, the prefix itself IS the price; introduce me anyone with a Dr in front of their name, and the word "nerd" inevitably pops into mind.

Getting a girlfriend is hard; forget about getting a wife. At least in the short term. If you are staring at another 3 years spent in the university dorm, with a meagre stipend just enough for bread everyday, you don't really want to try feeding another mouth with it. Romantic dates and long holidays are romantic only to the extent that you pay only for your own share, which is not really that romantic anymore. That's assuming that you have the money to go on any dates at all.

And even if you do like someone very much, there is practically nothing you can do about it. Unless she is prepared to throw everything down here in singapore and go overseas with you to live in a dump. And if you really like someone, you don't even want to subject her to that. You can only hope and pray, like the ancient chinese scholars who leave their homeland for the imperial examinations, that you come back laden with glory (and cash) and nothing has changed. Statisticians would tell you that such possibility is in the range of something small to the power of something big, and philosophers would tell you that it is an impossibility.

What to do? What would you do in my circumstances?

Suck thumb.

New Year's Resolutions

Yay 2009! Happy New Year! Wishes and greetings all around for a day which has absolutely no significance whatsoever other than an arbitrary flip of the calender. But anyhow, I do sincerely wish all my friends good health and good luck for the next 365 days, which is another entirely arbitrary number with no significance whatsoever.

Now for the New year Resolutions:

1. Work Hard! On my MA thesis, and my PhD application! And get into a good PhD program dammit.
2. Stop having stray thoughts.
3. Gain another 5-10 kg. In case you didn't know, my last year's resolution for my weight went perfectly according to plan. I gained 10kg over last year.
4. Get my black belt. Which is impossible, since they only hold 3 gradings each year, and I'm 4kyu. Or am I 3rd?
5. Improve family relationships.
6. Be less weird.
7. Be less enthusiastic in various areas.

Ok that's it so far. Maybe I'll think of more resolutions another day.

A philosopher's undying love

You are the most important thing in my life, even more important than my PhD thesis.

There are more important things than you in this world, but I haven’t found any yet; I mean, it is logically possible that they are there…

How impossibly beautiful you are! Just like the round square!

You are my everything! (Depending on how you define “everything.” And also “my,” and “you.”)

I love you more than mere words can express. That’s a contradiction.

I mean, I love you more than mere words can express, where “love” refers to something which cannot be otherwise referred to.

If it is the case that I don’t love you, 1 plus 1 would equal 3. But 1 plus 1 is not equal to 3. Therefore it is the case that I love you.

God gave me free will to love you! That’s assuming that God is omnipotent, omni-benevolent, and there is no such possible world where there is no free will and is better than the actual world.

You are the most beautiful woman I have seen at this moment!

It cannot possibly be thought that it is not the case that I don't not love you.

If you clear all thoughts out of your head for a moment, you will experience the all-embracing love that is present in the universe. Actually that’s just me.

You know I love you. Loosely speaking. Heck, if Hume is right, we can’t even know the sun will rise tomorrow. Strictly speaking, you can’t know I love you…

…how do you even know that I exist, not simply as a figment as your imagination?

If you are a brain-in-a-vat, I want to be your vat.

You are like* the stars in the sky!
* similar in certain aspects, not necessarily more than one. Similarity in material composition would suffice.

I love you till the end of time! Ok, your time just ended.

I can’t live without you! Every time I am alone, I am actually “living”.

Resolu...

It's the new year, and it's time for new... What? It's not new year yet? Oh right, it's only Christmas. Well, that means there's still time to procrastinate on making any new resolutions. 4 more days to be precise. Hmm... I wonder if I made any resolution about procrastination for year 2008. Probably I think--procrastination is practically on everyone's lists of resolutions. Well then, if so, I am only just trying to keep to my resolution.

Evenings

When I was young, my modes of entertainment were precious and few. My parents didn't believe in buying one of those gaming consoles for me, thinking it would distract me from studying, nor do they like me reading too many story books, for the same reason. And I didn't have many toys, thinking they are a waste of money; nor do I watch TV, because it is simply a waste of time.

My parents would be both out working in those days, and I wasn't exactly on the best of terms with my sister back then. Thinking back, I wonder how I survived the boredom that must pervade my childhood.

I do remember one bit of entertainment I had. In the evenings, just before the light starts to fade into the yellow color of sunset, I would curl up in this wooden reclining arm chair, listening to a Walkman. Back then, I have this earphones that were really huge; they look like ear muffs, and they encase my ears completely like two shields. Because of their design, I can blast the music as loud as I want, and yet no one else can hear it at all. They also render me completely unable to hear anything other than the music.

With the fading light, and the loud music in my ears, it would feel as though I am completely in a world of my own, cut off from anything outside. For hours, I would just lie in the chair, watching the light slowly changing from white to yellow, to orangish-red, and finally to complete darkness. And through it all, I can see the shadows from the windows slowly lengthening, creeping across the floor tiles so stealthily as though trying hard not be noticed.

It is unbelievably serene. It is also unbelievably lonely.

Then before the light failed completely, there will be the sounds of the lock rattling, signaling either my mum, or my dad coming back from work. And I would run and open the door for them.

Love thy neighbours?

I have bastard neighbours.

Strictly speaking, I don't know whether they are considered my neighbours since they live, respectively, above and below me. Let us call them Upper and Lower.

Upper is a family with kids and old folks. In the morning, around 6am, one of them would get up to pound chili. Apparently they eat chili everyday, and they can't just simply grind it. They have to pound the hell of them it, and the sleep out of everyone in my house.

And they must have belonged to some ancient, mystical clan that dictates that all pounding have to be done on the ground itself, without any paddings, or they will incur the wrath of some great earth spirit. As such, we get to experience the full surround sound of the rhythmic pounding every single day for a few months. Until I shouted at them to shut the hell up.

At 7am, when their kid wakes up from all the pounding, he will decide that he wants pay back for the noise. But most curiously, the payback is done to us. He would ride on his fake car, which sounds like a ton, and go careening across his flat. Now the sound experience is even better. We can actually trace the car with our eyes as the rumble of the car approaches, until it circles our heads for a brief respite, then it would zoom off again to another corner of his flat. His parents, and grandparents are doing a fabulous job of teaching the kid sensitivity; he will probably grow up to be a jerk, not unlike his parents and grandparents.

And of course, why stop at disturbing people with noises, when you can actually irritate them with smell? One of them Upper, I have no idea which, loves smoking. And he loves smoking at the window directly above mine. Probably because if he smokes in-house, he will kill the kid which shows so much promise of growing up into a jerk and he doesn't want that, he tries to kill me instead with his second hand smoke; he blows them out of his window, and without fail, the wind blows them into mine.

And since I have the habit of sleeping with my door closed, the smoke stays inside while I sleep, until I wake up half-choking over the smoke to shut the windows. Then I have to open my door to air the room, which is impossible since the windows are shut and there's no air circulation. So I have to wait for him to finish his stick, before opening the windows again.

Every night, I have to do that. Sometimes at 1am, sometimes at 3am, but without fail, 5am. And people wonder why I always look like I didn't get enough sleep. He doesn't only smoke at night though, it is just that I have the sense to stay out of the house in the day most of the time.

Just when you thought that only Uppers can affect you, since they can do things to your ceiling which is their floor, while Belows can't do anything to their ceiling which is my floor, the Belows began their smell attack. Interestingly, even though cigarette smoke only travels downwards due to their density, incense smoke is light enough to float up the air. Every friday, we are fumigated, unwillingly, with some intensely pungent incense and treated to an un-interrupted stream of ringing experience for exactly an hour. It was close all the windows, or die. Apparently, it must be some rites to send people like us on the way.

I don't want to live here anymore. Not with my bastard neighbours, and the super ulu-ness of the place. I hate it.

Can you differentiate all these?

You think you are wrong, but if you are wrong, then you are right.
You think you are wrong, and if you are wrong, then you are right.

You think you are wrong, and if you are right, then you are wrong.
You think you are wrong, but if you are right, then you are wrong.

You think you are wrong, but if you are right, then you are right.

RAM

I upgraded my laptop RAM today. Earlier on, I had gone to the NUS co-op to check out how much they are selling the RAM for. The price they quoted was 99 bucks for 2Gb, and 50 bucks for 1Gb.

Today I went down to Simlim, and guess how much I bought my 2Gb Ram for? Only 34bucks! And it's the same brand. I'll never trust NUS's prices again. Complete rip-off.

Identity

"Most of us have a special and intense interest in what will happen to us. You learn that someone will be run over by a truck tomorrow; you are saddened, feel pity, and think reflectively about the frailty of life; one bit of information is added, that the someone is you, and a whole new set of emotions rise in your breast." -- John Perry, "The importance of being identical"

Stars

When you see the starry heavens,
Do you ever wonder
what the stars are for?
What do the glittering celestial bodies
which looked so cold and beautiful,
aloof and distant,
have as their purpose?

The tempting answer is:
None.
They simply exist.
That is all to it;
just as it is all to it that we are here.
Purposeless, and random.

But suppose
Maybe,
it could just be that
They are here
just so I can wonder about them.

Money

When you see a dollar note on the ground

dropped by someone in a hurry

you mustn't tell anyone.

For if you do,

they will ask you,

Why didn't you pick it up?

And you would have to explain

the police stations,

they don't accept loose notes

as lost-and-found articles;

there will be no identifying signs

that point to whose its owner was.

And it would be impossible

to ask around

with the note in hand

whoever lost it just moments before.

At least

it would be a great hassle to.

Then they would ask

outraged,

Why didn't you just pocket it?

An outrageous suggestion proposed outrageously.

So don't ask me

if I saw that note,

when I pretended not to.

day 3 and 4--the peaks of HK

Had western breakfast yesterday at the Medicine School of HK. It was really nice and cheap, especially the bacon. I even considered ordering one more set, but decided against eventually.

In the afternoon, we went to Central. Originally I had wanted to go try one of the famous duck egg wanton noodles there, and the egg tarts, but when I had my lunch, I discovered that my sense of taste is gone completely from the flu. sianzzzz. So I rescheduled the food tasting to another day, and just ate some normal food.

One of the two famous egg tarts stalls at Central was sold out on the tarts, but the other produced a pipping hot tray of egg tarts just when I stepped into the shop. The crust is soft and the egg jelly on it really looks like jelly. But I couldn’t taste a single thing. =s

From Central, we walked through Lan Kuai Fang, which is the Clarke quay equivalent in HK. It was super crowded since it was Halloween yesterday, and people are crowding the streets dressing up like witches and vampires. Rather hapenning, but since it was really hard to walk with all those people jaunting around, I didn’t manage to take any pictures.

Then we went to the Victoria Peak, or simply the Peak as the Hongkongers so endearingly called it. Nothing much actually, except you can see Hong Kong from the top of the mountain.

Today we went to Lantau island, where they have the huge Buddha at the top of the peak. Took cable car up, even though I didn’t really like the heights, but it was quite worth it; by bus, the journey up would have taken around 1hr, what took only 15mins by cable. The view is great too, from the cable car.

Then it was a 280 steps climb up the stairs to reach the Buddha. Lines and lines of shops sprang out around the Buddha and the temple, making it look really commercialized. I’m sure the Buddha would have disagreed with it.

I’m actually still sick during this 2 days. Think I’m not enjoying the trip as I ought to be.

day 2 in exciting HK!

But it wasn't really an exciting day though. I fell sick on day 1; got a sorethroat and a slight fever, so that sucks great time. The chinese university of hk is built on a hill, or maybe its a mountain; the slopes are extremely steep, and if you think NTU or NUS is bad, try imagining NUS on Bukit Timah Hill. Well, no. It is worse than even that. Try imagining NUS on Mount Everest, and you will begin to see the picture.

Bendict took me around the university for sightseeing in the morning, and I almost died from exhaustion from all the ups and downs, or maybe it is because I am sick. But I sure know that I will be having much bigger calves muscles by the time I'm back home in Singapore.

Unfortunately they didn't have any philosophers there who specialize in the areas I am in, like Metaphysics or Philosophy of Mind. There are a lot of chinese philosophers though (duh!).

After breakfast at one of the cafeteria in the uni, where the food is only so-so, and where they have an unhealthy obsession with cabbage (which I can't for my life see how anyone could actually like eating), Bendict took me to the "chinatown" of HK--MongKok. We walked from MongKok to Victoria Harbor, just soaking in the sights along the way without actually shopping, or even window shopping. (If you want photos, go to my facebook. ) Since I was running a fever, and the sun is so damn hot, I didn't really enjoy the walk. The Victoria River is big though; Singapore river looks like a joke compared to it. But I suppose the River will look like a joke comparing to some other bigger rivers as well.

Then I crashed Bendict's modules, where Loy's teacher is teaching. It is on Ethics, really ethics and not metaethics, so that's really new to me. They were talking about the seven sins like anger, jealousy etc. I didn't even know people teach that in Philosophy. hahaa.

After that it was dinner at the same cafeteria, where I had the "Four Treasure Rice", which is just a fancy name for chicken rice with roast meat and salted egg. They have it in Bishan too, but of course the items are really different. The salted egg is nice though, and for the first time in my entire life, I saw why people actually eat salted egg. Those in singapore just can't make the mark. The chicken tasted very different from singapore's steamed chicken too--much more tastier and tender.

After that, we adjourned back to the hostel, cancelling the plans to go Causeway Bay cos I was feeling a bit sick and tired. Played games and went online to chat for the rest of the night. zzzz

Day 1 in Hong Kong

Eh nothing much. I just took a jetstar flight from Singapore to HK at 3.40pm, arrived at HK at around 7 plus, and it was already completely dark there, depriving me of the bird’s eye view of the island.

Oooohh actually there is something. Someone accused me of stealing his ipod when we landed at HK airport. That guy was sitting like one seat away from me in the plane, and there’s no one sitting between us. He wasn’t trying to be friendly at all; when i had to squeeze pass him go use the toilet, I apologized to him but he didn’t even acknowledge it.

Then when we landed, and after collecting my baggage, he came up to me and asked me if I had seen his ipod. I thought he was just asking me if I had seen him leaving it somewhere, so I said no. I suggested that he go back to the plane and check, but he said he just did. So I just made sympathetic noises and said that was unfortunate.

I thought that was it, but he still didn’t go, and instead just keep telling me how important his ipod is to him, for the information he stored on it etc. Then he apologised, saying he wasn’t suspecting me. Then he said, “Well, no. I AM suspecting you.” Now what can one say to that? So I just said I understand, but I didn’t take his ipod.

Yet he went on, and keep asking, “You really didn’t have it?” I supposed I was a little pissed off, so I just started walking away while saying, “No I don’t.” I could have offered to let him check my bag I guess, but nah… Why should I? I don’t even see how at any point of time I was physically close enough for me to actually take his ipod without him noticing.

Bendict was there at the airport to pick me up. He’s my extremely accomodating host for the trip, and even has a Octopus card ready for me to use when I got there! We had dinner at one of the cafeteria in a shopping center, which I dunno the name of. I ate some fried rice with chicken strips and unlike singaporean fried rice, where you are really eating the rice, HK fried rice is so choke-full of other ingredients, that the rice is more like a side dish. Expensive though, cos its the normal fare but already costing me 6SGD. Pity I didn’t think to take any pictures of it at that time.

Then I followed Bendict to his hostel in Chinese University of Hong Kong. It was pretty late after dinner, and I was tired after the 3hrs flight, where I had absolutely nothing to do since I didn’t bring my laptop battery, and didn’t bring any philosophy books with me to read, so I went to sleep quite early. Note to self: next time, bring something.

Clouds

Clouds
they are pretty little things,
like wisps of icings on a clear blue cake.
scattered around,
seemingly randomly
In that odd complex mathematical shapes
reminiscent of the Mandelbrot set.
Clouds are nice to watch,
especially from atop.
But I wish we didn't have to fly through them;
they make the plane rock
alarmingly so.

Smells

Ah, the sweetness of life,

a pungent whiff;

the heady aroma.

Another day at home.

Love

An error theory about love.

Lifestyle

Now, what have I been up to lately? Well, nothing much actually. Or if you look at it another way, quite a lot in fact.

For starters, I'm still going for karate regularly. Twice a week roughly.

Then I'm still going for gym regularly too. Also twice a week.

Got classes twice a week at campus. Officially, I don't need to attend any more classes, but these two classes are actually quite relevant to my research, so I'm sitting in.

Started my driving lessons too, finally. The driving test is on 29th Dec. I've been going for driving lessons twice a week too!

Going for physiotherapy for my back problem every fortnight.

Trying to read Parfit's Reasons and Persons, and Kripke's Naming and Necessity at the same time. The latter is rather short, though I'm still taking some time to finish it. The former is for one of the classes I mentioned above, and it seems to have good potential for finding a thesis topic for myself. I might want to re-read Dainton's article as well.

With all these going on, I'm surprised I even have time to game. But I do. In fact, I game 2-5hrs each day. I really don't have much time for anything else though. Life is pretty much wake up, do any of the above mentioned things for the whole day, then sleep. I've always wondered, people are known to comment on other people's lives as being "no life." I wonder now if my lifestyle is one that is extremely happening, or extremely "no life"?