Desperation

When you see me blogging, either of the two things must have happened: 1. I got such fantastic inspiration to blog which overwhelms everything I have been doing at the moment and forces me to blog immediately, or 2. the game servers are down. In this case, it is the latter reason which caused me to blog. Maybe we should all be grateful to the lousy servers that we are able to see any new posts on my blog at all.

But why not say, in a more sympathetic manner (to myself), that this post is born out of a combination of both reasons. Maybe it weighs heavily on the latter reason, but hey, nothing is ever fair and equal in this world.

Anyhow, let us talk about something that has been on our minds for the longest time ever: relationships. Admit it: ever since primary school, you have been wondering about getting a gf/bf, peering at potential targets and wondering about secret suitors. Or at least, I have been. It all seems to make a lot of sense, even back then. You ought to get a gf/bf, you ought to have some form of courtship, be nice to her/him, get married, have kids, argue with your wife/husband every now and then, beat the kids a bit, etc etc., then teach the same thing to your kids.

It appears to come easily: just because we are "supposed" to love someone, we can do so. I keep searching within me, the "special feeling" for someone. In primary school, that comes easily, wonders upon wonders. It just took a sentence, from my mum no less (who was jesting): "you like that girl rite?" and bam, I knew I was in love, with someone I barely noticed up until that point my mum asked that question. This elusive "special feeling" apparently can be called up by a simple sentence like that.

Well, the feeling didnt last long, not that I remember much of what happened when I was that young. Nor did anything happpen between me and that girl. Goodness! I couldnt even remember her name. heh.

But after that (and we are skipping on ahead to my secondary school days), I got more serious about relationships. Serious meaning I still remember what I did and felt. lol. But thats a story for another day and another post, as is my "love" in jc, and my love in uni.

The weird thing about all these, including the primary school period, is that we seem to have this noose around our necks, dragging us up on tiptoes, tottering everywhere looking for our elusive other halves who are supposed to "complete" us. And after some searching, we found someone whom we can probably tolerate pretty well for some time, and we latched on to him/him like a lifesaver, in a bid to let that noose let up at least a little.

And it did; it is as though the promise of a future spouse tricked the noose into relaxing its hold on us: we can now breathe a little easier, and walk more normally, albeit carefully.

Should the supposed "other half" leave for some reason, immediately our breathing hasten, the noose tightens, and we go on tiptoes again, driven again on this endless search.

But why are we doing this? What is this noose exactly? If it is just simply societal pressure, why does it seem so natural to obey it? The Collectivists would say that it is precisely because it is social, that it seems normal, but we aren't doing sociology here, so they can take a hike.

Well, this post is getting too lengthy as it is. I will continue this (might!), in the next post. Until then, stay tuned!