delirious

Seems like subconsciously I am trying to numb myself? Or maybe it just is my addiction with the Knight Online game; in any case, I play the game from day till night until I am ready to drop on my face and froth.

Thats good actually, since I actually dont have to worry about getting sleepless nights. Though of cos, sometimes even sheer physical and mental fatigue cant stop me thinking and I still stay awake half the night. But possibly that has been reduced to a minimum - without the fatigue, maybe I wouldnt have been able to sleep till 7am.

Some one told me that we shouldnt be so full of ourselves: that being sad wouldnt affect others as much as we like to think we would. Well hopefully that is true, so I am affecting no one by my mood now. It's no one's fault anyway, really. Or if its anyone's fault, its mine.

And having the game infusing and confusing my mind is sort of a relief, since I cant keep a straight thought for more than 2 mins now. Every night, I know I dreamt of something I would be sad over in the day, but I nearly couldnt remember any of the dreams now. So thats sort of a blessing then. If you cant remember what you were sad over, then you couldnt really be sad.

That is very true huh. But if reality can be as easily obscured like the dreams, life will be much better and easier. Sometimes you wish for amnesia, but those that wish for it never got it, those who dont want it get it instead.

You know, night is the best time to get sad. Dark and quiet, switch off the music and you have the perfect setting. You can imagine the wind ruffling through your hair, as you stared into the inky darkness, looking at some images that only you would dream of. It is as though the world stood still for a moment to observe the depression.

So dark, you can almost hear your soul sigh.