Robert Jordan

Robert Jordan, author of The Wheel of Time series, one of my favorite fantasy series, passed away on 16 Sept 2007 (US time I think).

We mourn the passing of a brilliant writer.

chance

We drift
like dandelion seeds,
under a huge expanse of infinite sky;
Alone
as far as the eye can see.

sign

On a sign en route to the Judgment Day hearing:

Philosophers, this way ==>
<== Everyone else, this way.

Below, someone scribbled: How do you define "philosophers"?

Even below: You go this way, id**t. ==>

(If there is a Judgment day, and Judgments handing out to everyone, somehow I think that philosophers will take the longest time of all in accepting the verdict, insisting on the definition of every term used in the Judgment, debating about how the Judgment can be true, debating about if the Judgment is really true, maybe even debating if it is logically possible to be standing there receiving Judgment, regardless if the Judgment had been passed in their favor.)

Is Chivalry dead?

I heard this question over the radio today, as the DJ was polling people about it. The responses varied, some saying "yes, but women killed it," some saying simply "yes". Others have more reasons backing up their emphatic yeses, but because the sun is shining outside, the birds are chirping, the grass is cutting themselves, and the thoughts cluttering my head, I couldn't hear them beyond a few words. Some guy replied that it is not dead, because he is still practicing it. Others sneered. Mostly women.

I don't think chivalry is dead; myself, I hold the doors for women all the time, strangers or not, offer a helping hand whenever I saw the fairer sex burdened, holding out an umbrella when it's raining, and pull chairs for them (though none, so far, sat in the proffered chairs). I don't do these for men; being more likely to slam the door in their faces than not. Just kidding. But less likely to hold doors for men overall.

But I think, chivalry should be dead.

At the very least, it should be if equality of the sexes is the priority. These days, women fight for equality at every turn, and grumble if the door wasn't held out for them. This is not saying that I'm against equality, nor saying there is equality already. Progress has been made, but equality in the workplace is perhaps not perfect yet.

But if you expect equality, don't expect chivalry. We have to start somewhere, why not start at the simple things like opening your own door, and holding your own bags? Why, the thing that runs through a woman's mind when men offer a helping hand might just be "You think I can't even open a door myself? Looking down on us again?" We'd never know what women think, and if we are going to step on toes anyway, why not just step on one set of toes and open our own door. Easier for us that way.

Besides, half the time, no, probably more than half the time, when I open a door for a woman, she would just sweep pass me without even looking at me, all the while looking like she owned the place, and I the doorman. No thanks from the queen either.

Nothing pays, chivalry least of all.

Couple that with the next poll taken at the same radio station, this one on whether women like bad boys. Surprisingly, all the women who called in replied that they do. Not so surprising perhaps if my friend's case is any gauge: he never opened any door for any girl, and his girlfriend-who-back-then-wasn't-his girlfriend-yet, would stare incredulously at his back while I hold the door open for her. Yet we know, even at that time, that she was smitten with him.

Not being chivalrous adds to the charm I learnt. What are your views?

Before they found Neo

In his left hand, Morpheus shows a blue pill. Morpheus said: "You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. (a red pill is shown in his other hand) You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes." Then he placed the pills on the table in front of him.

Neon looked at the pills, clearly undecided. "You are saying," Neon began, "that if I take the pill on the right, you will show me the truth of the Matrix..."

"Right", said Morpheus.

"...and I will wake up as though nothing happened if I take the left pill."

"Right."

"Now it's the right pill?" probed Neon.

"Wait, what? No, I mean it's correct. It's the left pill."

"So if I take the blue pill, I will know the truth of the matter?" Neon asked again.

"No no, if you take the blue pill, you will wake up tomorrow as though nothing happened. Oh wait, I see. Your right is my left, my left is your right."

Neon paused a while. "So I take the red pill on the left,"

"Right. I mean, correct." said Morpheus.

"...I will know the truth of the Matrix..."

"Right," said Morpheus again. Neon nods slowly.

"...but if I take the blue pill on the left..."

"No, the blue pill is on the right," interjected Morpheus.

"...I will wake up tomorrow as though nothing happened."

"Yes."

"Blue pill for truth..."

"No, red!"

"Okay, red pill for not waking up tomorrow?"

"No no! It's for waking up tomorrow as though nothing happened, not for not waking up."

"So the red pill is for waking up tomorrow?"

"Yes! Argh, I mean, No! Blue pill is for not waking up tomorrow!"

"So it's like a sleeping pill?"

"What?"

"The red pill is. Right?"

"No! No wait, left... right. Oh yes, you are correct, it's your right."

Neon sat up suddenly, a decisive light shining in his eyes. "Right, I want the right pill." And suiting his words, he reached for it.

"Wait. Stop." Morpheus began, his voice rising in his haste. "Are you sure you got it correct? Wait..... no... wait! Aww fu*k!"

Food

Suddenly have the craving for MeeHun Kuay at the Jurong West market, and for a Subway sandwich, tuckey slices with mustard sauce and olives. The latter, I know where to get, but the former, is probably beyond my reach. Just like the prawn noodles stall at BoonLay I have enjoyed when I was really young; both stalls are gone now, moved to goodness knows where.

I can almost imagine the thick and aromatic smell of the prawn noodles soup--almost imagine because that's all I remember of it; it's been so long that it is impossible for me to "almost smell" it, only "almost imagine" it. I can still almost taste the Meehun Kuay at the Jurong West market however, since it's just been a year since I had a bowl.

Which reminds me of a bowl of meepok I had many years back, at dunno where. It was really spicy, but it was so good that even the spiciness seems essential to the taste. I've only eaten it once, but the memory of it remained with me so far. I doubt I'll ever get to eat it again, since I have forgotten where it was located. Besides, the stall owner was an old man, and no one lasts forever.

Then there was the roti prata, with its incredibly strong curry, spicy yet not overpowering, and the crispy prata itself. I had that once only too, but the stall is still there i think. I don't remember where it is either, but I know I had it at a drive-around supper thingy with my friends--they will know where if I ask.

I wonder, though, if these food would be so special if they weren't so out of my reach now.

a prayer

"Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen.

Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. Amen."

-Mostly Harmless, Douglas Adams

Darkest day of my life.

08/07/2007 was my day of Commencement.

09/07/2007 was the day I went partially blind. Specifically, in my left eye.

it started on the day of commencement. Because I was wearing contacts, and it has been a long day, my eye started drying I guess. when I reached home to remove the contacts, my eyes were pretty tired and dreid already. and when I removed it, I accidentally ripped my cornea, I ddint know that at first of cos. I just started having blurry vision in my left eye. Played a bit of games before I went to bed.

In the middle of the night, my eye started to hurt. At first its just like something got into my eye. But around 3am, the pain was realy terrbile. by 5am, the pain was unbearable. I was rushed to NUH by my family.

along the way, the pain was so bad that seriously, death would have been a much better relief. Or just to have my eye dug out. I was having my eyes closed, but even if i opened my eyes, it still hurt the same. and it hurts worse whenever my eye moved. which happen all the time, responding to some physical stimuli, or sound. I couldnt open the right eye, for the eye-eye coordination will make the left eye move under the eyelids, and thats when I feel like dying.

At nuh, the doctor dripped some instant relief eye drops into my eyes, and I was thus relievd of the unbearable pain for sometime. my vision was still blurry, abd my left eye still felt swollen. I was given medicine, and told that it would recover in 48hrs time most probably. When I left the hospital, the pain resumed, the eyedrops effects wearing off. Oral painkillers did not work at all.

All the way till 10am, I was hurting like crazy, and the left eye constantly weeping, which added to the pain. I was given a small vial of instant pain relief, but it contained only like 5 drops, and each drop could only relieve the pain for 5mins before the tears wash it off and the pain resuming.

Now its better, after spending 1 whole day being blinded, and attempting to sleep with the pain. All sorts of information went through my mind when I was blind. Like how sleeping will land you in the REM sleep approx 1-4hrs after you fell asleep. REM which stands for rapid eye movemenet will virtually guarantee that any relief I can get from sleeping will be worsen, and disturbed by the REM cycle. I thought of the ethics class, which talked about pain so unbearable, that it is an assault to the dignity of human life to be allowed to be continued. I thought of things I cant recall now. I thought of people, most of them images from the previous day Commencement. I thought of what I would do if I went blind, what I should do. Of Braille. I thought of some people, I didnt think of some people.

One thing for sure, I wont be wearing contacts again for the rest of my life.

p.s. I was typing most of this post with my eyes closed. So pardon any mistakes. and the vanity of being able to do so.

A simple puzzle

Eight buttons are arranged in a single column. From the top they read

1. Statements on pressed buttons are false; statements on unpressed buttons are true.
2. Exactly one button adjacent to this one is pressed.
3. No two adjacent buttons are pressed.
4. The sum of pressed buttons is not prime.
5. More than half the buttons are pressed.
6. The order of button numbers is reversed (but not the statements).
7. Less than two odd buttons are pressed.
8. The number of pressed buttons is odd.

Which button numbers do you press?

The hell it is a simple puzzle. I still can't solve it as of now. Been trying for an hour and counting. Whoever can solve it, tell me. Guys I'll kill, girls I'll marry.

Love

Then Love said to Eros
For we are not you,
nor you us.
Hatred and anger
gives us strength,
just as kind words
and understanding do.
The Joy
and Exhilaration,
the Fear
and Disappointment,
like a roller coaster
its ups and downs
Equally essential.
We are not infinite
Happiness and comfort;
a jolt of pain,
a touch of
unpredictability.
Maybe even more hurt
than joy.
When some of these
Conflicting
emotions arise,
we exist.
For We are just a name
mankind has given Us
for these
jumble
of confused emotions.

The Exciting Life

I was playing games when this happened. Specifically, I was trying to kill a boss monster with the help of several similar level players and my cyber friend, which is damn difficult to kill (the boss, not my friend; we die too easily in fact), and we had spent like 1hr already trying to kill it with no avail.

Then my phone rang.

It was around 5pm, not one of those stormy weather nights with lightnings flashing and thunder crashing, nor is it the particularly eerie kind that rang in the middle of the night just after you have done the unspeakables and feeling damn guilty about it, since it was, after all, not in the middle of the night. In fact, it was a rather cheery evening, and the TV set blaring outside my room where my mum and dad were watching it, as though it may run away without their constant vigilance. In any case, my phone rang, and it is a rather normal, non-eerie, mundane sort of ringing (other than the fact that I am using a song as my ring tone instead of the standard ring-ring, but the song doesn't make it eerie, or non-mundane either).

It rang. And hung up immediately. Which is equivalent to my phone vibrating for a second without even the melody starting up.

An instant later, a sms came through.

Hi

What? Hi? Who's that? My first thought was it is a wrong number, since I don't recognise it; the person was probably trying to apologise for dialing the wrong number a second ago.

Well not really, my first thought was "Damn! This stupid boss is insanely hard to kill, damn these game-makers, and who's this person anyway?" But this doesn't convey the sense of mystery I was trying to bring across, so I lied.

2mins later, another sms came through.

Hi can I know u.

Woa what? Who's this? Alarm bells started going off. I have a stalker?! Secret admirer? Naturally I have many of them, but this is the first time any of them made a move. How did she get my number? IS it a "she" at all? Does she knows who I am, or is she just randomly dialing a number to harass? (I prefer to think it as a "she"; "he" is just too ewwwww to contemplate.)

Because I am a very busy person, with bosses to slay and girls to date in my all too precious free time, I didn't reply the sms. Neither did I want to reply it, since it may after all, be just some harassing tricks. So I left it alone, and probably, it would find some other handsome guy to harass.

And that will be the end of the affair. Just let it die down quietly, and no one will be hurt. I am a very gentle person, you've noticed. If you didn't, I'm telling you now, and you should take my word for it.

But that's not the end. Today, when I am commuting from NUS back home in a bus, my phone rang again. Because I am in a bus, and I am talking to Ms Ziyi, I am in the kind of psychological mood that doesn't really suspect anything, and I just pick up the phone without thinking, since it was ringing rather persistently.

On the other end of the phone, I heard some light breathing sounds, but no one was speaking.

I went "hallo hallo?" and suddenly the call hung up.

Alarm bells went off again, and I hurriedly checked the caller ID. It was the same caller last evening!

Who is this mysterious caller? What did the person just achieved by calling? Why did she hang up? The leading detectives at the scene immediately came up with 3 theories to answer these tricky questions (there was in fact, just 1 leading detective at the scene, namely me. Ms Ziyi might qualify as a sidekick though.)

Theory 1: The mysterious caller is in fact, a man, who hung up upon hearing my voice, which showed him that I am not a female. This is premised on the assumption that the caller initially dialed my number randomly, without knowing who or what gender I am.

Theory 2: The mysterious caller is a female, a secret admirer, who freaked out upon hearing my sexy voice, hence hanging up on me. Possibility very high, when we factor in the indubitable effect my voice have on people. (Theory 2 is postulated by my untrustworthy sidekick, Ms Ziyi, but is actually rather plausible. Some promotion may be in order here if she proves to be right.)

Theory 3: Some jerks have written my number on the seat at the back of some bus, or on some toilet door, stating "CALL THIS NUMBER 9***-**** for ***."

More to come... if the calls and smses continue.

trekking in Stong (Kelantan)

Yo all, just back from trekking. Technically, not really JUST back, since I was busy playing games the past 3 days, but anyhow. Here are some photos.



Before the trek.



in the train. Bumpy ride.



at the train station. It's nothing much actually, just a small outpost.



Some of my group members at the coffee shop near the train station.



In the van, towards the caves. They are 3 of the 6members in our group.



Cave. The other photos are blurry.



Like this.



A shaft of sunlight from a natural window in the cave. That's me in the photo btw.



One of the many trees along the way. If you have been to many treks, you know that all the photos of the actual trek all look indistinguishable from each other. Just trees.



Finally the summit. One of the lousiest summit I have ever climbed. No scenery whatsoever. The sign reads 1,399m (4664Feet). That makes it a mountain, possibly the highest I ever scaled.



This is NOT taken at the summit. It is at the basecamp. Great scenery though. I think the "base" camp is around 1000 feet high.



Abseiling from the waterfall. Unfortunately, that wasn't me in the photo. I dunno who it is either. I didnt abseil though, cos I pulled a thigh muscle during the trek up, so I didnt think I am fit to abseil down.



scenery from the base camp during the day. cf. the photo earlier of the clouds.

Ok that's it.

Blemishes

The world isn't perfect,
Nor will it ever be.

love

Love, without it we are merely existing;
with it, we are more than alive;
Losing it is to be worse than dead.

updates

Lately, I have been going for Karate classes twice a week. It was really fun, and the training invigorating. But my slipped discs are giving me problems. I may need to see a physiotherapist soon.

Will be going trekking in Stong, Kelantan from 29th May to 2nd June. Couldn't find anyone to go with me, so well, I had to go with a group of strangers. This will not be the first time I trek with a group of unfamiliar faces anyway.

Couldn't really find a good overseas Masters program. The only school with deadline still open is University of Melbourne (May 31), and it may not be the best school catering to my interests. Hope I don't have to stay in singapore.

Anyone has any temp job for me?

Freeeeeeeee

Woot, last paper was over. I am now... er... unofficially graduated already, if the darn ceremony is supposed to be the official thingy. If I get perfect score this sem, I might get first class, if not, second upper is cool too.

Stuff to do this...er... holidays(?):

1. learn karate.
2. learn driving.
3. learn Diving
4. learn fishing
5. go trekking
6. buy lots of stuff
7. buy/read lots of books
8. earn some money
9. search for masters opportunities overseas.
10. see how to publish my thesis in some journal.
11. oh ya, get my damn laptop repaired. the "Q" and the "1" key broke down, even though I only have this laptop for 2months.


Ya, thats right, I may not be doing Masters here, for some reason. So I hope to find some overseas Masters, hopefully Australia (then I can bunk in freeeeee with dom. hehee. ) Still, I may be doing Masters here, if I couldnt find any good opportunities overseas. Pray huh? (I wonder which you will be praying for though, to stay or not to stay? hahahaaa)

doggie Bramble

Got Bramble from Yeek's website. wahahaa, I've always wanted a dog, so a dog it is. Help me feed it from time to time. Must drop the biscuit from above, or put it directly into its mouth, else it won't leave the pointer. If you click on the More button, there is even a ball which you can use to play with Bramble. If you want a pet, and need help with the html, can ask me AFTER the exams. heh

Heheee... got another pet. A bat, so I named it Nagel =p Click on it to let it fly around. Give it some flies from time to time. If you want to let it sleep, click on the stone ceiling. woot.

Sounds of the babies

I really liked this old post, so I am reposting it. Turned out that my predictions were really accurate (I was 21 when I posted this).

gals at their birthdays:

1st day:
everyone look at me!!

3rd birthday:
am i pretty?

4th:
hey its my birthday today!

9th:
i want to grow up, taller!! prettier!!

12th:
approaching... btw, anyone noticed its my birthday?

16th:
i am young and vibrant!!

17th:
ONE MORE YEAR TO GO!! on second thoughts...

18th:
Is it here already?! the prime age!! oh god... i am getting old.

19th:
well, i am still 18.

21st:
young AND mature!! and woe betide the next guy who says otherwise.

22nd:
its quite fine with me if most ppl forgot its my bday today actually.

23rd:
sigh...

25th:
guess its time to get married... before the wrinkles set in.

27th:
its the kids!!

30th:
i'll silenced anyone who knows my REAL age.

34th:
i think the guy who said i looked 21 really meant it!!



boys at their birthdays:

1st day:
i cry, therefore i am.

4th birthday:
think i'll beat that punk at sch today, since it's MY day.

5th:
better not try that this year.

7th:
woa... i want those muscles.

12th:
when do i get them? the gals are slipping away already!!

17th:
no one remembers my birthday... oh well, WE guys are not supposed to complain about that.

18th:
crap... the gals are supposed to be at their best age. they are already acting like they are older than us. i dun even notice any difference in them.

21st:
NOW its my turn... muahahaa.. watch and weep!!!

22nd:
still single.

24th:
hey, are the gals getting prettier, or are my expectations lowering?

28th:
still feel the same... IC says otherwise. exercise exercise!!

31st:
oh boy... i am 31st? is that supposed to be old or prime?

35th:
the kid called me uncle?!!

40th:
that kid greeted me today, nice boy.

epitaph

Herein lies a number of my chess pieces, lost as of this date, perhaps irretrievably:

2 black
3 white

Fantasy

He surveys the scene before him. He seems to be in an enclosed room, devoid of any furnishings; even the walls are drab gray. The room is huge, roughly circular in shape, though the walls run straight and meet each other at large angles. There is no apparent light source but there is light in the room, enabling him to see. It seems slightly pale, as though the light is filtered through some badly scratched glass, bringing no cheer with it.

There are a number of doors in the walls, all shut now, the shape of the room making them hard to count exactly how many they are. A host of creatures had tried to come through some of these doors, previously opened, and he has no idea how long he fought before finally driving all of them out and closing the doors once again after them. The room looks like a battlefield now, with spots of red scattered amidst the thick dust on the floor, and scuffles of footprints everywhere, the air slightly cloying--sweet perhaps from the blood. The man pants slightly, adding drops of sweat to the dirt on the floor.

Crossing the room in huge steps, he hurries to lock the doors with a set of keys he has with him, all save one. He pauses at the last one and examines it. The doors are slightly translucent, all fashioned in such a way that they can only be be opened from within. Curiosity had led him to open some of the doors previously, leading to the unexpected struggles that ended just minutes ago. He can still see some of the creatures milling outside the room through the translucent material of the doors. After a moment, he decides that he need not lock this particular door: nothing could come through this door anyway, he reflects wryly.

He returns to the center of the room, as far away from the doors as he could tell, trying to catch his breath. Soon, he knows all too well, boredom will lead him to open one of the doors again. Such is the curse of this stone prison.

Let's work our brains a bit

Betrand Russell came up with this paradox (in my own words):

In a town, a barber shaves all and only those who don't shave themselves.

Is there anything wrong with this scenario? Sounds rather normal actually, doesn't it? Well, let us ask, however, if the barber shaves himself. Suppose that he does. It certainly makes sense to say the barber shaves himself, since he saves money that way without having to go to another barber.

But, wait a minute. So the barber shaves himself? Yet it is said that the barber shaves all and only those who don't shave themselves! If the barber shaves himself, he doesn't qualify under the set of people who don't shave themselves. So the barber can't shave himself!

Alright, not a problem. We'll just restrain the barber from shaving himself, on pains of committing a paradox. So the barber doesn't shave himself.

But wait again! Did you just say that the barber doesn't shave himself? Well then, he qualifies now under the set of people who don't shave themselves! And according to what is stated, he has to shave himself, since he shaves all and only those people who don't shave themselves, which includes himself!

But if he shaves himself, then he cannot shave himself.

If he cannot shave himself, then he has to shave himself.

A paradox! So does the damn barber shaves himself or not?!
Well, simple. This barber doesn't exist. He is a walking paradox. There is no trick in this analysis, other than being vague to leave out the technicalities. Some food for thought huh?

Such is life

We complain about life,
yet we spent countless afternoons waiting for evenings to come,
whiling our mornings away in bed just cause there is nothing else to do
fretting over what other people think and say about you
and worrying about what people do not say about you
counting the years past and estimating the years ahead, mourning the shortness of life
mulling about who loves you and who to love
engage in activities that we don't seem to like, but seem right to do
considering our emotions, some of which coming from being unable to fathom our emotions
looking at the clock so that we can safely say the day is past and time for sleep
playing rpg while life plays you as rpg
Then at the end of it, we say, as a matter of custom
that life is too short;
whilst in the meantime, life is meaningless.

I need more.
So much more, that I don't have to consider what life is.

how special?

We don't seem to need to love any particular someone,
but simply need to love... someone.

One and only.
Specialness seems the effect, not the cause.

future house

I did a bit of room cleaning today, and was totally shagged out after that. Which prompted me to fantasize about the future house I want to have.

Firstly, I want a room dedicated to my hobbies: bridge, calligraphy and weiqi/Go. I want a corner for my chess set, together with a chess table. Somewhat near to it will be a small table for my poker cards for bridge, together with my bridge books. At the other corner, I need a table where I can write my calligraphy. The whole room will have a wooden floor, and no windows to minimize distractions; the room has to be sound proof as well, and of course, air-conned. Minimalist style.

Then I want another room for my books. There will be hundreds, thousands of book, philosophy and otherwise, all lined up in bookshelves which will decorate the room like a library. There will be a few chairs littered around the room; a bean couch here, a reclining chair there, and a full back armchair somewhere. Carpeted, and no windows too. I don't want the dust getting in.

There has to be a study room, with a sturdy wooden table for work desk, and my laptop on it. (It has to be a laptop, since I want to bring it all around the house.) A small bookshelf beside the table, where I can put the books I am currently reading/working on. Carpeted too, but with windows, shut tight with air-conditioning on. The window has to face somewhere nice, preferably some natural scenery like a far off woods. Need blinds so I can draw them at night, to ensure no monsters/homicidal maniac/ghosts will be peeping in. This room will be more decorated than the minimalist style the other two rooms have, so that I can entertain friends in here. Scatter a few chairs and sofa around, like an office.

Then if I have a underground room, I'll call it a cellar, and stick my wine collection in it. I don't particularly like wine, nor do I have any wine collection as of now, but it sure is cool to have a wine cellar. In any case, the more I collect, the less wine there will be out there circulating; I'm doing the world a favor that way.

Bedroom too, but I have no strong opinions on decoration here. Maybe a traditional japanese tatami-ed style.

I'm thinking I probably can't get a wife, so that's 5rooms plus living rooms (two of them), and I think they call the kitchen a room too, so that has to be a 8room house. In the unlikely event that I do have a wife, she will be wanting 3 rooms to herself too, to be fair. So a 11room house in that case. Need a maid to keep the dust at bay.

the pit

Those within, cry for release;
those without, try to jump in.
What a sham!
Outside and inside,
no one is happy.

Intuited

The tricky part is to tell when I'm joking, and when I'm not.

gone

When one day I'm gone, I wouldn't want people to say things like "I'll miss him," "He's a good friend, a good man." etc. I don't think I can stand being addressed in the third-person after I'm gone; it will be like the relationships I once share with them no longer exist anymore, like a break-off or something, though of course, technically that's true.

Maybe some people would go thinking: I should feel sad, this is a sad thing. Maybe they will be sad to the point that they would drop a tear or two when they think furiously of the times I shared with them, the jokes I made them laugh with, the tiny little incidents of remorse that will never get resolved already.

I don't want all that.

What I really want, when I am gone, is people to thump their hearts and weep their eyes out, crying that they couldn't live on without me, that life is no longer meaningful.

Yea, that will be cool.

Gavagai

How do you know
that you are not a rabbit
waiting to be snared.

Dreams are free movies

Dreams are like movies, and going to sleep nightly is like preparing to go to the movies, except that you, personally, are going to star in every single one of them.

It's always somewhat of a surprise to see what your dreams any night may turn out to be. You may yet be leading another day just like when you are awake, but it will always be interesting, always full of twists and unexpected happenings. You'll get to switch between protagonist and antagonist, sometimes you are even your own enemy!

Sometimes dreams are predictable within certain limits, like when you put your mind to it and think really hard about something or someone for a few hours before sleep, and you will probably dream somewhere along the same lines. Yet we'll never feel cheated, like we would if the Matrix 3 had concluded Neo's real world is in fact another Matrix; even if we know roughly the theme of our dreams tonight, the surprise in seeing how it can unfold always never cease to amaze us, bringing forth our most naked emotions almost without difficulty.

Sad dreams are more moving than the Titanic, and horror ones are scarier than the Saw. Love stories take on a personal flavor, hate episodes really resonate within you. We may even have ambivalent feelings towards dreams, love it and hate it, which is what we normally wouldn't say for movies.

Shock and titillate me; what will my dreams be tonight?

New year

It seems that quite a number of people felt the need to give a sort of wrap-up for the past year, so I think I should join the crowd in doing so.

I dunno about what particular misgivings I had of the past year, maybe its because I am still hung-over from last night's countdown (that sounds really happening, but actually I just drank around 3-4 cups of mixed vodka before I was incapacitated). I am not griping about my results since even though I am not in the desired class of honors, my present one is rather good already.

I dunno about anything particularly celebratory I had over the past year as well, again maybe because I am still woozy from the drinks. OK wait, thats not how I intended to blog from the start. There is one thing that I do know I am rather happy about, which initially I had feared to talk about, cos things which I mentioned in my blog seems to have a way of going in the opposite direction of what I predict.

But with caution, I might just be able to carry this happy change of mindset into the new year. Well its nothing great actually, but for being able to not have sad dreams every night, and not stressing over what I might have done, what I have actually done, and what I should do, I think it is indeed something happy for me. The gist of it is I seem to have gotten over someone.

I know I have said this a couple of times already, but this time, I feel something different. And I feel... lighter. I feel exactly like the last time I wasn't infatuated with anyone at all.

This time however, I am not going to walk into another love-trap again, at least not so soon.

blogs

I've come to a decision regarding my 2 blogs that I am currently maintaining. Or rather, a decision to not make a decision. Thats right, I will continue to maintain both blogs, the blogger one and the vox one. The posts will be roughly alternating between both blogs to give some semblance of maintenance.

I know people say that we should try not to be indecisive, and that its not good to drag your decisions till problems crop up, but hey, this isnt about deciding between two girls anyway, so who cares.

I will be trying to blog more of my sensitive posts in Vox, and the more mundane posts in blogger. If you want my vox address, look at the right side where it says "Clement's other blog".

Christmas Day

Christmas only serves to remind me how lonely I feel.

Christmas resolution: to not fall in love for the next 6 years.

My idea of a perfect Christmas Eve

Its the whole empty house all to myself, where the rest of my family went off to church after unsuccessfully badgering me for a few weeks to go. Naturally, I expect a few days of cold war again, as is always the case. Fits with the season I guess. Cold. Get it?

So yea, I figured I should take a break from my applications (oh those accursed forms!) and actually read a book or something. Pretty ambitious plans for a day I must say, except for one thing: I've read all my books thrice over and more, and I simply cant bear to read them again today, and definitely not the academic ones. So I jaunt off to the library after making sure that they have the book I wanted in the shelves by checking online, planning to spend the rest of the day finishing the novel.

Except that they dont have it, even though it says Not-on-Loan in the library catalog. Neat. So I came back home, and watched some dvds alone. I mean, with my headache which decided to pop in and say hi after a week's absence.

Seriously, with the empty house playing my typing sounds back at me, and the thoughts that I have trillions of things left undone, plans for the future, worries about the opposite sex, I think I'm cool. Fits in with the season again.

And I have absolutely no idea what to do. I mean short term wise, for the day. I cant play games on this computer, since its not mine, and I cant do work today, cos I dont feel like doing it. No books to read, no one to talk to, nothing to do.

It's times like this when you really feel you need a girlfriend --so you wouldnt be coped up at home reading my blog complaining about how lousy I feel. Sorry, perfect*. How perfect I feel.

offline

This is extremely fucked up. First my pc keeps dying, now my monitor went completely bonkers, near irreparable. I still need to do my applications for the overseas universities!! This is a conspiracy to keep me from going!! (by whom I dont know however, since I am the only one who uses my pc.)

I cant play games, I cant do stuff, cant go online for maybe a month or more, unless i use my sis's pc while she isnt looking, which is exactly what I am doing now. And I dont intend to buy a new monitor. Not going to feed more money into that poor excuse of a computer. Will buy a laptop when I am free. Fuck, needs more money again.

path of least resistance

It's very easy to just flow along the path of least resistance, and lead an easy life; relying on fortuitous events instead of actively creating luck for oneself. I wonder what my life would be like if I choose to just graduate with a Bachelor degree, and I certainly wonder what my life would be like if I choose to do further studies. What I do know is only that I rather dislike a non-academic life.

I have a friend who thinks that she probably doesnt want to rewind time even if given the choice to do so, and I kinda agree with her. Even if we can change past events, I'm not sure if we should do so. However much we might dislike our current situation, there is no telling that we might have hated any other possible alternatives.

Still have to write a statement of purpose for my overseas applications... Feels like hecking it already. Bleah.

sleep

My dad is an insomniac,

my mum is a very light sleeper.

No prize for guessing what I am like.


p.s. I have a new blog at Vox, where I havent posted anything substantial at yet. Will get around to it some day, and also decide how I am to manage these blogs. http://idarhl.vox.com/

webs

And suddenly the magic is gone -
henceforth, wouldn't be caught
so easily again.

Technology

Since I mentioned Douglas Adams in my previous post, I thought it would be cool to quote him again regarding what he has to say about technology, which I found to be awesomely witty and true to a large extent. 'Nuff said, enjoy.

"I've come up with a set of rules that describes our reactions to technologies:

"1. Anything that is in the world when you're born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.

"2. Anything that's invented between when you're fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it.

"3. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things."
-Adams, Douglas. The Salmon of Doubt.

weather

We don't like it when it rains: when the sky is overcast, dark with foreboding clouds, weeping raindrops as though crying; for it makes us sad. (Actually I don't dislike raining, but I needed to say this for dramatic effect.)

We don't like it when it's sunny: with the scalding sun bearing down on us, like a powerful drum keeping up a beat that our reluctant hearts are forced along unwillingly.

We hate it when it's cold: when the frosty air forces us to wrap ourselves in layers of stifling materials, the cold seeping into our bones, leeching the life from them, leaving us shivering and helpless. (Again, I actually love being cold, but I can't very well say that now.)

We definitely hate it when it's hot: the oppressing heat like a wet and dirty pillow pressing down on our mouths and noses, cooking the sticky sweat from every pore in our skin.

Well then, what about when it's not too hot, nor too cold; when the sun is shining from some unseen angle, the day bright but not blinding, with just a hint of rain on the way, and an occasional breeze from afar that smells of the sweet scent of fresh rain over some forest far away? Just like today, now.

Because when it seems so perfect, when the emotions are in perfect balance with one another, when the heart is at peace with the quiet universe itself, we are at a loss as to what we should feel. Thus we dislike it.

Humans are troublesome creatures, no?

Help

Latest update: problem gone away already, inexplicably. Hopefully it doesnt come back inexplicably again. thanks all who helped, and thanks all who missed me. Miss "anonymous" didnt get my thanks then. hahaaa.

I cant login to Windows Live Messenger, windows messenger, or msn web messenger! I keep getting this

error code: 80048820
extended error code: 80048439

Initially when I tried to troubleshoot, it diagnosed my computer as having some problems with the key ports (which I dont know what the heck that is) After 50tries, it no longer diagnose it with that problem anymore. BUT still cant connect! (I think it just got fed up with me so it stopped showing the error)

The thing is, its definitely not my connection problem since I can access web pages like how I am blogging now. It might be my connection settings though, and I have no idea how to fix it. help. I tried system restore to no avail.

Of course, it may be that MSN is simply down. I highly doubt that but I have no way of checking. On random, I decided to sms like 5friends on their msn status: one doesnt use msn, two are not at home, one decided not to login at all, and the last one didnt reply. =_=""

So help. Anyone. Short of suggesting that I reinstall windows or formatting my harddisk, I will readily take your suggestions.

If no one can help me here, then I wouldnt be able to login to msn for quite some time already. For some that may be good news though.

p.s. It would probably not be a good idea to wait for me to login to msn, then tell me your solution.

The courage to be wrong

Most feared is the man who seeks not to offend, who wants only to please, having no apparent voice of his own -- the deepest of all men with clay for heart.

By voicing your own mind, you in turn allow others to have their own voice; for none could disagree with someone who always agreed with them. Be afraid not to err, for we dare only speak with one who errs.

The one who fears admonition will not get it, but only because no one dare to admonish him. Only by seeking admonition, however, can one achieve communication.

No one likes to finally understand your heart, and find it but the shape of his grasp.

Because you dared not express what you really feel, others dare not express what they feel about what you really felt -- even if what you really felt is plain for all to see. Thus we only like the man who allows himself to be hated.

To go or not to go

The poll machine is broke, I think perhaps thats the reason why I havent been getting a lot of votes (another reason is that most people just couldnt be bothered with me, but that is too horrible to contemplate) so I removed the poll thingy. If you have any comments, you can freely do so below.

I am taking a poll, to see if I should go overseas for further studies immediately after graduation.

On the one hand, going overseas (America) immediately keeps the length of further studies down to the minimum, 5years. Thats a PhD with an intermediate Masters degree awarded. I dont like the Masters program at nu* too. If I do Masters here, I will have to do another 5years upon graduation of Masters too, 7years in total. Besides I have already applied for the Graduate Records Examinations which cost me $250+. Some of my profs and seniors have been encouraging me to go overseas instead of staying here. Going overseas should be fun too.

On the other hand, money is a huge factor. Despite what everybody seems to be claiming nowadays, I aint really merely saying that I am poor. My whole family isnt in good financial state, and we would have to really scrape to get the money to let me go overseas. One of my profs said its better to do MA here first, since that might enhance my chance of getting into a good uni for PhD. And its really scary to be going to a new land where everyone probably cant understand my accent (or bad english). Application forms are a headache to fill in, what with the letters of recommendation I need, masters proposal, interest statements, application fees, etc. And I might not really get into a very good US uni, though I dont know for sure.

So now what? To go or not to go? You decide. Actually, I will be doing the decision, but you can tell me what you think. Vote below, your vote will remain confidential (since I have no way of knowing who voted anyway). If you feel really strongly about me staying or leaving, you can even come back everyday to cast a second, third or fourth vote.

Earblock

We define ourselves by defining the things we dislike or hate.

There is no real reason why, why we chose to hate certain things other than we need to hate them to be. Or perhaps there is a reason.

There is what I would want to coin "earblock" -- we hear what we want to hear.

Verbal arguments go on forever; we never give enough credibility to what might constitute good proof, and emphasized fatal errors, making them up even if they arent there. Whatever aids our cause, is whatever that is understandable. Whatever not, absurd.

Even when reading, where we are trained to believe readily what the books say, we experience "mindblock" where things simply do not go in. In a milder form, we dont remember what we read even though we understood and disagreed. In a stronger form, we dont even understand, not because they are incomprehensible, but because we simply refuse to understand.

How are we to understand this "refusal"? It is not a refusal out of a committment to disagree, but simply because deep inside, we don't agree; there is something within ourselves that rebels against understanding it, almost as though understanding it is an offense to our very nature; that to understand we would no longer be us. That understanding itself is antithesis to the existence of our selves.

And how can the self wants the destruction of itself!?

Thus we seek our destruction with each advance in understanding. To survive, we need to delineate what we want to understand, what we hate and what we cannot possibly tolerate.

p.s. It is enough to skim through quickly what I wrote. If you get it, then you got it. For an example of the feeling of "refusal to understand", read Hegel or Heidegger.

Boston - Augustana

I'm rather surprised that lots of my friends have never heard of this song. It's very nice; I've always liked this kind of slow songs. What's more, I might be applying to some universities in the Boston area, so it's rather appropriate, though of cos, in the song it's the girl who's leaving for Boston.

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said
You don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston... where no one knows my name...

Spam mail

I was going through my email today, then on an impulse, decided to have a look at the spam mail folder for the heck of it. The titles of the spam mail are largely uninteresting, "Re: this" or "Re:that", occasionally having rather clever titles like "urgent:" or "your email got bounced, etc." None were particularly attractive though; spammers arent very inventive I guess.

I remember in the past, there used to be some internet virus-ly thingy that propagates through spam mail. The attachment is named something like "I love you", or "secret admirer". Now that's what I call a good spam (though not good in the sense of being morally good; you get the idea). However staunch a spam fighter you are, you will feel an urge to open the email, open the attachment. Even if you deleted it eventually, there is still the lingering tinge, a slight tug at the heart: what if?

What if what? What if someone is really secretly admiring you and sent you an email of course! No matter how lowly your opinion of yourself you claim to have, deep down inside, you secretly think that you are the most adorable, most lovable person in the world, and it is weird that people havent been rushing to kiss your hands and gushing out their love for you. (They are shy, thats why.) Thats also why it isnt that unthinkable that some secret admirer could send you an email professing his/her love for you. In fact, its a miracle that your inbox hasnt been flooded by such mails in the first place!

Of course, if you are living in some places like Singapore, where everyone's name is along the lines of "Dao Nee" and "Dao Hui", and you get such an email from "Staccie Roberto" etc., you know immediately that its a hoax. Not to mention that you know your english is so poor that no foreigners with Caucasian-sounding names would ever take interest in you.

Yet two increasingly popular trends conspire to push the suspicion down to a minimum. More and more young people in Singapore are adopting English names like Kate, Leo, Kleith, etc., making emails from similar sounding names seem more possible and realistic. Whats more, spammers have begun to catch on that emails from people with First and Middle name in their Sender information rarely hit the jackpot: whats the chance that you really know someone who is named "Jack", and has also a middle name "Zetarine"?

Eventually you might get an email from a "Rachel", with a title of "Love letter", and it just happens that the cute girl in class/office, is also named Rachel, and has been casting flirty looks at you all week. It would be cruel indeed to delete the email without even opening it first! And if there is an attachment that says "my feelings for you", probably most hot-blooded males will hastily open the attachment without even noticing that it is a .exe file, or if they did, to the hell with it, we can always format the pc later!

It all depends on the name of the sender I am thinking. Some perfectly normal mails from perfectly normal friends can pass as spam if you are in that particular mood. Dont even bother to open their mail: its probably crap, and their attachments probably crap too.

Some mails however, are totally suspicious looking, with an attachment that says "thisisvirus.exe" and "I hate you" in the email main body, which most people would assure you that it would be perfectly potty to open such a mail, yet without hesistation you would open the attachment if it is from the right person. Or follow the link to some sites that are totally insecure and suspicious looking and probably have 50 keyloggers installed in your pc the minute you login.

Not that these considerations will stop you from opening such mails. Some mails just have to be opened, regardless of the consequences. The day when spammers can achieve a similar level of compulsion for the emails is the day when spam mail is going to destroy the whole world.

Creep - Radiohead

I wish I could claim that I wrote this, but no. It's just an insanely nice song that describes the feelings of being secretly in love perfectly well. (Of cos, certain Radiohead fan would slam me for an idiot for only noticing that they have such nice songs after sooo long, 13 years after the song was first released. But who cares about them. hahaaa)

When you were here before,
couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
in a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
you're so fucking special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?.
I don't belong here

She's running out the door,
she's running,
she run, run, run, run, run.

Whatever makes you happy,
whatever you want.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special,

but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here,
I don't belong here.

Eyes

I'm not sure what happened just now, maybe I have been reading too much, maybe I am too heaty, just now a swath of my left eye's vision just simply vanished. It started with a small bright bar just across the direct vision where I cant see anything at all, then over the course of an hour, it grew to a broad sweeping that looks roughly like a pointed C, in bold and shining with bright nothingness. My left eye couldnt focus with my right eye, and it looked weird in the mirror. The frightening thing is, my right eye seem to have the same C, just very far off into the peripheral.

For an hour, the possibility of going blind is very huge. Fearsome thoughts of living the rest of my life out in complete darkness, of being jobless and unable to do philosophy, of faces I will never see, of things I will never see and do, all these flashed across my mind endlessly. It was a very dark hour indeed.

My vision cleared after that hour, after I drank lots of liquid my mum stuff onto me and constantly massaged the sides of my eye and resting them as much as I could.

I suppose my vision is back to normal now... but there is no telling when that may relapse, and take away my sight forever. When that happen, I wouldnt be able to blog about it, nor go on msn to inform anyone about it already.

Fifty Rules To Be A Real Man With An Oomph

Disclaimer: I didn't mean to repost my old posts, but since this one is rather incomplete, and I fully intend to complete it some time after my exams, I am transposing the old posts here, for some kind of continuity between the old posts and the rest of the rules yet to come. The rest of the sacred book, however, is misplaced somewhere in my frighteningly chaotic room, and because of the exams, I have no time to look for them, much less type them out. Meanwhile, this post serves as just a placeholder for the rest yet to come.

Some background information of FRTBARMWAO. FRTBARMWAO stands for "Fifty Rules To Be A Real Man With An Oomph", which is a Sacred Book owned by all true blooded men, given to them by their dads on their 2nd birthday in some obscure ritual.


The Sacred book of FRTBARMWAO


Rule One: NEVER TO LET ANY FEMALE SEE THIS BOOK. THEY MUST NOT EVEN BE AWARE OF ITS EXISTENCE. DO ANYTHING WITHIN YOUR POWER TO PREVENT SUCH FROM HAPPENING

Advice: The sacred book must never be shown to the females. In the case that you are a female, and are reading this, you are encouraged to stop immediately.

If you are still reading this, you have 3 seconds to surrender yourself.

If you are really still reading it, and didnt have any intention whatsoever to stop regardless of what it says here, serious actions would have to be taken against you.

In other words, we will try our best to ignore you.

Guys upon confrontation by the females regarding the Sacred book, you are encouraged to adopt either the "huh, what are you talking about?" attitude, or the offhand "hahaa, that guy is just talking rot" attitude. Most importantly assert that "I have never even heard of such a thing".

Rule Two: YOU MUST PROFESS TO LOVE SPORTS

Advice: You need to love a sport, any sport. Recommendations are soccer and basketball. Even if you do not like sports at all, you must tell everyone else that you do.

The reason for this is girls absolutely adore guys who professed to love sports. Guys who dont do so are wimps. You can only look macho if you like sports.

This also provide a convenient excuse to get away from the girls once in a while, like "I need to sleep in the other room tonight, 'cause I am watching soccer at 2am and I dun want to disturb you." whereupon you can peacefully sleep by yourself finally.

Rule Three: YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED A TAN

Advice: If you dun have a tan, you are just not man enough. Fair skinned is used to describe women, not men. If you are, unfortunately, that kind who dont get tanned no matter how hard you try, thats just too bad. However, you must persevere, and keep telling everyone you are doing your best to get a tan. The telling everybody part is especially important.

Rule Four: YOU NEED A SCAR

Advice: It doesnt matter how you got that scar, as long as you got one. The important thing is, the story behind the scar must be some cool and dangerous undertaking, like gang fight, or a slash from robbers, even if it is really not.

Position the scar somewhere prominent, so you can show the ladies conveniently; showing them your butt is definitely not cool.

Rule Five: VIOLENCE IS ALWAYS THE FIRST SOLUTION

Advice: In any situations, the first thing you should try is violence. If the TV is not working, give it a solid whack; if the other man behaves like a jerk, punch him before he can say anything. Many things in the world are masochistic; they need a good kick in the butt to get them functioning properly. Men are there to provide that violence, do not neglect your responsibility.

In the unlikely event that violence doesnt work, you should try to talk your way out. Talking is not as favoured as violence, but it does help sometimes. Suggested talk tactics are :"I was pretty sure he was asking for it, he knew it was coming anyway." or "My big brother is coming, you better stop hitting me now, else you are really going to hurt later."

Third way out is calling for help. This is emergency hotline, a true Man should Never call for help unless he is: 1. Dying. 2. A wimp. If the TV is spoilt, you make sure you die trying to fix it before allowing your wife to call the technician.

Rule Six: CODE WORD: SHIT AND WTF

Advice: The brotherhood have been known to be merciful, and in the event of serious problems, you can SOS for help by uttering the secret code word S.H.I.T. which stands for Somebody Help!! I'm in Trouble!!

Practice saying this really fast and in quick succession. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.

Another member of the brotherhood upon hearing this secret codeword will respond accordingly, by saying WTF quickly and also in quick succession.

WTF stands for Wat-The Fish, and it is a highly kept secret, known to the secret order of Wat-The monks to be the name of the Sacred Fish, which is reputed to help men in a fix. By invoking the name of Wat-The Fish, a member of the brotherhood is calling blessings upon the man in distress, and at the same time authenticating his membership.

Practice saying this really fast too. WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF.

Rule Seven: YOU MUST LEARN TO PLAY AT LEAST ONE MUSICAL INSTRUMENT

Advice: This is the ultimate girls-drawer, the ultimate ladykilling stance. For best results, learn the saxophone. It absolutely bowls women over. Look at the word itself... sax sax sax... what does it remind you of? Trust me.

In the event you could not secure a saxaphone, or indeed learn to play one, have no fear. The brotherhood has a long standing secret pact with all the kindergardens across the country to teach the Recorder. With such a skill, you can proudly tell any girl who asked, or if they didnt, insist on telling them anyway, that you can play the recorder. Offer to play a song for them too.

Rule Eight: WHISTLE

Advice: Men are always busy. There are always countless meetings to rush to, or soccer matches you are late for. During such situations, it can be a lifesaver to know how to whistle.

Imagine in a hurry, and you need to pee, but the pee simply would not come out, cos you are too stressed and urgent to pee. It is a surprise at how much whistling at this point can do for you.

At normal times, you can use this skill to impress girls as well; whistling after a pretty looking girl will increase your chance of getting her phone number by 5 folds, as survey shows.

Recently, there emerged an unorthodox sect, an offshoot of the brotherhood; they stick 2 fingers into their mouth to whistle. Not a very wise move, considering how hard it would be to pee with one hand inside your mouth. Practically acrobatic if the 2 fingers have to come from both hands. Pretty disgusting as well.

Rule Nine: CRISIS

Advice: You need to get crazy once in a while, for the sake of being unpredictable if nothing else. Women love their men to be unpredictable at unpredictable times; being predictable makes life boring and generally everyone unhappy.

A good time time to do so would be when you are around 40, when you are conveniently forgiven for the so-called Mid Life Crisis. Do whatever, quit your job, get a fling, you shall be pardoned.

Rule Ten: GOLDEN RULE: NO BEATING OF WOMAN

Advice: No room for negotiations. No beating.

It is, of course, permitted to have one of those "fights" with your beloved half every once in a while (we have been told that such encounters help promote blood circulation and also ultimately improve relationships significantly, not to mention it providing the perfect excuse for some nastily sweet making up). However, these "fights" are to be only metaphorical for you , while it may or may not be literal for the females.

Under no circumstances you are to retaliate, even if a woman is clawing you repeatedly. The reason for that is it simply isn't the thing to hit a woman. Besides, other women who saw you being clawed might take pity on you, and hence spreading your reputation of being a real man. This is how charisma comes about.

However, there is one exception to this otherwise infallible rule: that is, unless a woman is repeatedly kicking some needless-to-mention extremely sensitive spot, with no intention of stopping whatsoever, and no sight of any potential female admirers in the immediate vicinity. In such extreme situation, the whole of the future and the dignity of the male genus is at stake; that would call for extreme measures. Then it is permitted to slap her foot away, to discourage her from further assaulting the dignity of the male genus (that is, if you can still move from being repeatedly kicked there).

Rule Eleven: NO SHOPPING WITH WOMEN

Advice: It is a taboo to be seen shopping with women, even your girlfriend, especially your wife. Shopping absolutely goes against the core tenets of the brotherhood. A true man should not be seen dead in a shop with a girl, especially if it is a lingerie shop.

Snipers from the brotherhood are positioned around all major shopping centers to take headshots at guys seen shopping with their girlfriends or wives.

No shopping.

Rule Twelve: YOU NEED MORE MUSCLES

Advice: You can never get enough of those stuff. You must train up more, to beef up and build up 'em meat, to prepare for the final test.

Gradually work up from lifting dumbbells to weight bars. When you can lift around 50kg, you are ready for the final test and will be given the go by the brotherhood to get married. Whereupon you can carry your bride into the marriage chamber.

The smarter guys out there would train all the way to 100kg to prepare for the unexpected load to avoid embarrassment on the day of marriage by dropping her. Girls have never been known to be honest about their true weight.

Rule Thirteen: SWEARING AND THE UNIVERSAL SIGN LANGUAGE

Advice: You need to learn this, it is the sole reason human as a species is able to survive and proliferate so well. Communication is the key: you absolutely need to learn to effectively and efficiently convey your delicate innermost feelings. An increasingly popularised word which would aid you in communication skills is the word "Fuck". Survey shows nearly 60% of the known world recognise this word for what it is, hence it is a very handy word to equip yourself with before going on an overseas trip.

Nothing can be as expressive as saying this word really fast and in quick succession. The facial expression comes naturally, so there is no need for practice, another good reason why you should learn it. Almost like an American Express Card.

However, in the event that the word "Fuck" doesnt work, there is a Universal sign language that would more than make up for it. In fact, studies have shown that ALL cultures across the globe recognise the ancient symbol, and it is highly likely that aliens, if there are any, would recognise it too.

The Universal Sign language is quite hard to transpose into words here, but it roughly involves a certain positioning of the middle finger. Very complex, but very useful and easy to learn.

The government of the Republic of Singapore has been kind enough to provide a full 2 year course on the art of swearing for all able bodied males. We wish to express our thanks here to the government which is so concerned about the well being of our males.

Rule Fourteen: REPERTOIRE OF GHOST STORIES

Advice: You must learn and memorise ghost stories, preferably those involving personal participation. A good setting for your ghostly encounters would be Pulau Tekong where men are supposedly there to train as soldiers, and supposedly to be severely haunted.

It must never be let out that most of the time in Tekong is spent making up ghost stories designed with the sole purpose of impressing the girls and making them cringe with fear.

Rule Fifteen: HIERARCHY WITHIN THE BROTHERHOOD MUST BE STRICTLY OBSERVED

Advice: Ranks within the brotherhood are subtly displayed, though strictly observed.

Hierarchy is determined by the chest measurements. In other words, the bigger pectoralis major you have, the higher ranking you are. Hence it is vital that every man carry about him a set of measuring tape, in event of dubious comparisons.

Upon meeting a higher ranking personnel within the brotherhood, one must show the proper respect and obeisance rightly due to him. Prostration should only be done in absence of females, and licking of superior's foot is highly encouraged.

Appeal against your rank can certainly be made, in which case biceps measurements are taken as a second hearing. A second appeal is discouraged, and should only be awarded in exceptional situations, whereupon taking of the third measurements should be adjourned to the Gents, and carefully taken.

Rule Sixteen: SUPPORT ALCOHOL

Advice: It is a well known fact that alcoholic drinks are disgusting, tasting nothing short of puke, and hangovers are about the worst thing next to hell you can experience.

However, it is still mandatory that you support alcoholic drinks, and maintain that you love them. The sole reason being it is the core business of the brotherhood, supporting 67% of the male species in alcoholic related businesses, as well as being the only venture that is profitable enough to form the main bulk of the brotherhood's budget.

We apologise for the piss-like taste of all the beers and volkas etc, and we assure you that we are trying our very best to improve the aftertaste as well. In the meantime, continue to visit pubs and buy lots of beers to fund our research. Treat your girl friends as well, they will eventually be convinced alcohol is actually nice to drink. The Power of Love.

Rule Seventeen: CURLY LEG HAIRS

Advice: The brotherhood has, through some highly reliable sources, gotten the information that all women have a secret fetish for curly leg hairs.

This phenomenon is currently unexplained for, but many psychologists tasked to work upon it have recently come up with the Unfulfilled Unconscious Theory which somewhat postulates the fact that women are forced to shave their own off, creates a powerful subconscious urge to admire it in the male-species.

Internally, the brotherhood feels that this is bullshit, but we paid a lot for those psychologists, and we are never going to admit we are paying for shit.

As every man knows, leg hairs grow straight. Whatever possessed those women to like curly ones is quite clearly not quite in the head. However, to indulge the wishes of our whimisical other half, all men are encouraged to perm their leg hairs.

Perm 'em curly, make them fluffy. Thats the way, boys. Go forth and make 'em ladies swoon.

For those who have minimum leg hairs, artificial inplants are available at specific hair care centres, where a series of packages are offered for those who need leg hair protection as well.

Rule Eighteen: THOU SHALL NOT TOUCH THINE FRIEND'S GIRL

Advice: We know some of you out there are ladykillers, womankillers, ahsohkillers watever, but remember this golden rule whenever you are out for the kill.

Even if your friend's girl is stunningly beautiful, or simply too disgusting to live, you Are Not Allowed to Touch Her.

OFF LIMITS. HANDS OFF. As the proverb goes: Let the man live his own choice. Even if you see that it is a horribly wrong one.

Rule Nineteen: DECEPTION ALWAYS WORK

Advice: This is quite stating the obvious, for deception is in our blood. But the true art of deception is worth pursuing, and the road to it is long and ardous.

Indeed, it is a highly regarded art that we men possess, and it has been known that even women enjoyed being cheated by men. In certain occasions, it is quite... unhealthy for the men to avoid deception.

Cases where she asked for your opinion on her latest buy, or the size of her waist, you know are treading on thin ice, and the man who value his life will do some careful intellectual deception.

Rule Twenty: YOU MUST HAVE A CAR

Advice: Every true man need to have a car. Before marriage, it serves the important function of ferrying your girl. After she is firmly in your hands, and signed the damnation bonds, the car can be used to ferry other girls.

Of course, other than that, it is quite essential in providing that object of jealousy for your wife. Women have been known to treasure their men if they seem worthy, and any men who cant afford to split their love between the wives and something else, is deemed unworthy.

As a result of which, you need to name your car "Wife", or "Honey", or any sick and disgusting name your wife would like to hear it used on her. Shower it with affection and love, and very soon your wife will be vying for your attention with it. Strange creatures women are, but we shall come to understand them better in the future, hopefully.

Rule Twenty-One: SEWING IS FROWNED UPON

Advice: Men who sew are wimps, under no circumstances are you to take up thread and needle and mend your clothes yourself.

You dun see Arnold lugging a sewing case around when he was in the jungles shooting 'em machine guns. You rip your clothes off when it has a tear; you look more macho that way, trust me.

Rule Twenty-Two: TABOO WORDS: "I LOVE YOU"

Advice: Any man caught saying those three words will immediately be stripped of his membership, which could be pretty painful to say the least, and denounced publicly.

The reasons of the brotherhood are not always given, suffice to say it has been a long standing tradition, and anyone caught flouting the rule will be heavily disciplined. (However, the arms of the brotherhood though long, are usually not as sharp and venomous as your girlfriend's fingernails. Men under severe torture, or tough enticing, if you should submit under the "cajoling", make sure you do not get caught. What goes unnoticed, might go unpunished.)

On the other hand, it is quite obvious that whenever a man glance surreptitiously to the left and right before whispering into his girlfriend's ear, he is uttering the taboo words for fear of discovery by the Brotherhood. As such, this behavior can be considered as proper incriminating evidence on the same status as publicly announcing those three words.

Rule Twenty-Three: SNAG ENMITY

Advice: The brotherhood has openly declared warfare upon the secret organisation of SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guys). For this reason, all men are required to express a universal hatred for all SNAGs, self-proclaimed or otherwise.

It has been known to the upper echelons of the brotherhood that this other organisation is gaining popularity rapidly, the result of which our customers will increasingly expect all men to behave as SNAGs.

This behavior is intolerable, especially when it is coming from our trusted customers whom we have been serving ever since Eve herself. We never heard her complain, do we?

We, thus, need to put our foot down firmly before the situation gets out of hand, and declare to the world that men shall remain callous and uncouth for eternity, to show them we have the sole proprietary on deciding the direction of our male species.

Rule Twenty-Four: THE ART OF SPITTING

Advice: It has been a long established myth, which generate fair amount of envious behaviours and some swoonings, that men carry the art of spitting from birth.

The truth is, the art of spitting is taught, and without proper tutelage, none can master the art of graceful spitting.

Women have been observed to spit like a child, dribbling all over their lips as they do so, hence their professed disgust over men's skill at it, when in fact they are simply jealous.

The art of spitting, which takes some practice, will hence be imparted here.

1. You need some spit. If you cant generate any, or for the really avid fans who run out of spit after like, the hundredth tries, you may use something small like the seed of a watermelon.

2. Position the seed, or spit, between your front 2 teeth, with the tip of your tongue directly behind it, exactly as if you are holding it hostage.

3. Suck it dry. You dun want to look like some young girl spitting and dribbling at the same time. The worst you can do is to have a long string of saliva connecting your mouth all the way to the spit 2 feet away. Plain disgusting.

4. With the tonguetip firmly in place, direct a strong jet of air between the roof of the mouth and the flat of the tongue to the hind of the seed/spit, to provide that propulsion needed to send it on its way.

With this set of instructions, never shall men be said to be without proper upbringing. Remember, spit excessively everywhere you go, demonstrate your competence for the world to see. Make them die of envy.

Rule Twenty-Five: "CANT-S" VS "DISLIKES"

Advice: It has never been within the dictionary of the brotherhood of such word as "cant". Never say you cant do something, anything. Always say you dislike doing it.

If you cant drink, say you hate drinking. (though the brotherhood will hunt you down for it)

If you cant drive, say you dislike driving.

If you cant repair something, say it is too troublesome to do it, and you are refusing to do it on principles.

Admitting you are a wimp, shows you are a wimp. So never admit it, even on pains of death. The same goes for admitting mistakes: you are wrong only if the other party is wrong first.

Rule Twenty-Six: Secret Membership in SNAG

Advice: You need to hide your sacred book of SNAG away carefully, and never be let known of your secret membership in it.

The practices of SNAG, though openly frowned upon, must have some charms to them, and it is imperious we learn something from the cult.

Wait patiently for the next installment of SNAG.

Rule Twenty Seven: DANCING

Advice: Another of the must learn skills that any true blooded man should possess.

It is a well known fact that women love to dance, and to exploit this weakness of theirs, men are encouraged to pick up dancing. Of course, we are not talking about just any kind of dance. It has to be one that involves lots of twirling around, and I don't mean twirling your fingers dumbass.

Learn only those dances that require you to twirl your partner around, in as many circles as possible. The idea is to get them giddy and breathless, literally sweeping them off their feet.

Should, however you use this canon to go learn other kinds of dance that dont involve twirling, rest assured you will be branded as a traitor for life.

Rule Twenty Eight: Sitting postures

Advice: To be a real man, it is mandatory to adopt the appropriate etiquette expected of us. Of utmost importance is how you sit. Bear in mind that this should apply to all situations without exceptions.

The key point here is to spread your legs wide as far as they would go, when sitting (it really doesnt make sense to be talking about standing here). The reason, which should be pretty obvious, is that only people of high standing can afford to take up a lot of physical space, and hence by spreading your legs open, you are assuming and asserting an air of authority which simply bowls everyone over.

It doesnt matter if your legs are the short, bandy kind. Just open them wide. You will see people walking wide of you when you do that, trust me.

Rule Twenty Nine: Swagger

Advice: In close connexion with the previous canon, naturally this is regarding the way you walk, or carry yourself.

In obvious relation, you need to swagger when walking, and the reason is quite the same as before: people who can afford to swagger usually are people of high importance. At this point you might try to point out that our prominent political figures like LKY, Koizumi etc. clearly don't swagger.

However, we assure you that they didnt swagger only because they are camera-shy. We have it on the best of authority that they certainly swagger off-screen. Afterall, they too have their own copies of FRTBARMWAO. (Though we had to translate a japanese version for japan. Troublesome ah)

Rule Thirty: CUT YOUR NAILS

Advice: For goodness' sake, cut your damn nails. The nails are there for a purpose, and it is to be cut!

The reason for that, is long nails properly belong on women. Now this may sound sexist, and though we are admittedly sexists, this is not a sexist reason. It just doesnt have a purpose for men to sport long nails.

For the females, however, is an entirely different story. Other than naturally looking good on them, the nails have this additional function of raking men with. To be raked by a woman's nails is a kind of honor, you might say. We have a technical term for it, quite sophisticated sounding in fact: Honor scars. If you think the name sucks, we suggest you keep that to yourself.

For men to possess long nails, however, serves no similar purposes at all! Surely you didnt think women would appreciate being raked by you?! As far as the Brotherhood's intel goes, scarring a woman's skin is tantamount to committing suicide: a rather slow and excruciating death.

Rule Thirty One: RAISE YOUR ARMS

Advice: It is quite well known that women need to shave their armpits, as sanctioned by society. Men however have no such restrictions.

Hence, go forth and expose your armpits whenever the chance present itself. Show off 'em hairy armpits, make the girls envious. If you are in a bus, clutch at the overhead railings instead of the seat bars; if you are in a seminar room, raise your arms all the way when answering a question. Grab at any chance to show off your assets.

It might help if you are the sort that perspire a lot, for your armpits will have this self-regulating mechanism for catching attention. Anyone within miles will surely notice your luxuriant crop of armpit hairs, if it has the "right aroma".

If you don't have such luck to be born with it, we recommend using our special odorant, available at all major stores of the Brotherhood.

Rule Thirty Two: CARRYING OF UMBRELLA

Advice: A REAL man should not be seen dead with an umbrella in the rain, unless he is (1) sheltering a girl, or (2) beating some guy up with it.

Usage of umbrella is a public admittance of weakness, showing the world that the male genus could not even tolerate mere droplets of water.

Under no circumstances, even where there are no girls in sight, may the guy secretly take out his umbrella to (1)shelter himself, (2) shelter another guy, even if it is raining hailstones.

Should you die braving the hailstorms, whilst having an umbrella somewhere in your bag, rest assured that we will make a martyr out of you.

Don't be afraid to die.

Rule Thirty Three: PART TIME FIELD RESEARCHER

Advice: Now, you know very well that the Brotherhood is pretty tight on funds. We absolutely couldnt afford to hire professional researchers, at least not officially (some of our brothers are notoriously difficult to badger into doing free research on behalf on the Brotherhood, not where their livelihood is concerned).

Therefore, every able-bodied male is expected to perform the duty of field researcher, in addition to his primary role which is... erm... forget it. Consider it as some sort of patriotism towards the Brotherhood.

The only data the Brotherhood need is, naturally, about women. We need to know everything about them, the vital statistics, their heights, the colour of their eyes etc. Anything that you can think of, anything you can gather, we want them!

Hence, consider it your duty to ogle at girls. Try to do it discreetly please, else we might be accused of being uncouth again. But in any case, data gathering takes precedence over all else. If situation demands you to publicly ogle at a particularly fine specimen, do it.

For the Brotherhood, any damages to one's personal reputation should be worth it.

Rule Thirty Four: EATING MANNERISMS

Advice: It shouldnt come as a surprise by now what we are going to advise on the issue of how to eat.

It is a strange, but true fact that girls are absolutely captivated by how men eat. And the more disgustingly you eat, the more captivated they are.

Perhaps it has something to do with evolution: the cavemen presumably ate in a pretty disgusting manner back then. It is a freak accident that successful hunters get to eat more, and hence get to display their disgusting eating ways more often. Unfortunately, females who are attracted to successful hunters, are stuck with disgusting eaters for the rest of their lives.

Natural selection filtered out those females who couldnt stand married to disgusting eaters; they starved to death a long time back with the sissy-diners. Now we are left only with females who absolutely love males who eat noisily and messily.

A sad fact, but one which demands that we adapt ourselves to it. Henceforth, eat as we are expected to.

Rule Thirty Five: HAIR AND DRESSING

Advice: You absolutely need to assume that rugged look. It is no longer in fashion to comb your hair to the exact precision of the hairline, nor to wear a suit everywhere you go (if it were even ever in fashion in the past).

Your hair should always look like you got up in a rush in the morning, and given the barest of a comb before dashing out of the house, and subsequently being caught in a crosswind, then a police crossfire, and tussled by the escaping thugs, but still managed to look ruggedly dashing. Your clothes should be in an equally sloppy state, always seemingly on the point of falling off your back, but never actually doing so.

All this may take some masterful arranging, and it is advisable that you wake up quite early to get everything in place. It is an art to wear your hair like a mess, albeit a dashing mess, and the art requires quite some effort that simply couldnt be skimped on.

Rule Thirty Six: YOU NEED TO BE MAD

Advice: This is not quite the same as the previous rule, Rule Nine: CRISIS. We have a perfectly practical reason for requiring this rule.

It is known that girls expect us to assert contradictory stuff. If they ask you if you love them or not, you are expected to say yes, but they wouldnt believe you. If you say no, they wouldnt believe you either.

If they ask you whether they are fat, they will also demand that you do not lie to them, but to tell them they are really fat, is equal to committing suicide.

If you reply "yes, you are fat" you will surely die.
If you reply "no, you are not fat" it means you are lying to them, and you will die for that too.

Since we have to reply "yes" and "no" simultaneously, commonsense tells us that the girls expect us to be quite irrational. Therefore we must live up to their expectations.


to be continued....

What's the point

As you cross your arms, hugging yourself to the cold, perhaps it's the rain outside, maybe it's the something you drink; that cold seeps through your shoes, invading your toes. It is as if you are frozen within a shell of yourself, a mere millimeters of ice crust, your fingers feel as though they are mildly wet, stiff and cold, your soul shivering within them, trying to escape from the cold. Where is the refuge to be sought in? As you dive in between your blankets, you realise that your blankets are cold, and to warm yourself, you have to warm the blankets first.

exams and papers

I'm screwed. Its the exam by the end of this month, and all I have been doing is playing games. In the past, I always start preparations 1 week before the mid term break, and do conscientious revising throughout the whole semester; this sem, I did nothing of that sort. I barely kept up the minimum needed to follow through in class. Screwed screwed. I dont want to fail my first honours semester >.<

Deleted all my games, and hopefully I wouldnt come online. In the past, I used to set myself the time limit of away from computer at 10pm, now I think I have to not come online at all, to make up for the late, late start.